
Two and a Half Men
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Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.
Highest-rated episodes all ranked
- 01
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable. - 02
That Voodoo That I Do DoCharlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher. - 03
Love Isn't Blind, It's RetardedCharlie plans the ultimate romantic evening with Mia, and Alan dates a much younger woman.
Castfull cast & details
Episodes by season
Season01Best season
- S01E01
PilotSeptember 22, 2003Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him. - S01E02
Big Flappy BastardsSeptember 29, 2003Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith - S01E03
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of HellOctober 6, 2003Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father. - S01E04
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a NapOctober 13, 2003Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Mea - S01E05
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a HumpOctober 20, 2003Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes. - S01E06
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?October 27, 2003The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid. - S01E07
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually FakeNovember 3, 2003Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . The - S01E08
Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-fulNovember 10, 2003Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show. - S01E09
Phase One, CompleteNovember 17, 2003Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends J - S01E10
Merry ThanksgivingNovember 24, 2003When Charlie's favorite ex announces that she is going to get married Charlie attempts to win her back. Tensions arise at a family Thanksgiv - S01E11
Alan Harper, Frontier ChiropractorDecember 15, 2003When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image. - S01E12
Season's bestCamel Filters + PheromonesJanuary 5, 2004Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old. - S01E13
Sarah Like Puny AlanJanuary 12, 2004Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date fo - S01E14
I Can't Afford HyenasFebruary 2, 2004Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must - S01E15
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)February 9, 2004Despite Alan's warning, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie that he meets at the garage. - S01E16
That Was Saliva, Alan (2)February 16, 2004Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him. - S01E17
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the HatsFebruary 23, 2004Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his - S01E18
An Old Flame with a New WickMarch 1, 2004One of Charlie's ex-girlfriends is now a man. It gets better: He starts dating Evelyn, who's clueless about his past history with her son. - S01E19
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember YouMarch 22, 2004Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has - S01E20
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the DarkApril 19, 2004Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist. - S01E21
No Sniffing, No WowingMay 3, 2004Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dum - S01E22
My Doctor Has a Cow PuppetMay 10, 2004When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up - S01E23
Just Like BuffaloMay 17, 2004When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with h - S01E24
Can You Feel My Finger?May 24, 2004Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.
Season02
- S02E01
Back Off, Mary PoppinsSeptember 20, 2004When Alan discovers that Charlie is a member of an exclusive men's support group, he begs his brother to let him join. - S02E02
Enjoy Those Garlic BallsSeptember 27, 2004Alan overzealously tries to push Judith's new relationship to the next level after Charlie mentions that he'll be off the hook for alimony i - S02E03
A Bag Full of JaweaOctober 4, 2004Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher, with unfortunate results. - S02E04
Go Get Mommy's BraOctober 11, 2004Charlie discovers that he made a big mistake when he lends Evelyn his Mercedes for a day in exchange for her hybrid car. - S02E05
Bad News from the Clinic?October 18, 2004Charlie falls head over heels for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is. - S02E06
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal VigilanceOctober 25, 2004When Charlie confesses playing a nasty trick on Alan when they were younger, Alan's self image is turned upside down. - S02E07
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in FontanaNovember 8, 2004Charlie and Alan employ Berta's crazy sister to cater a party that Evelyn has cornered them into throwing for her. - S02E08
Season's bestFrankenstein and the Horny VillagersNovember 15, 2004Alan meets a woman at the supermarket who introduces him to the kind of fantastic sex life Charlie is accustomed to. - S02E09
Yes, MonsignorNovember 22, 2004Charlie's ex-girlfriend comes back into his life with a little more baggage than when she left. - S02E10
The Salmon Under My SweaterNovember 29, 2004Jake helps Charlie write a theme song for a new cartoon, and things heat up between Alan and Rose. - S02E11
Last Chance to See Those TattoosDecember 13, 2004Charlie finds out that his promiscuous lifestyle has become the subject of an angry web site. - S02E12
A Lung Full of AlanJanuary 3, 2005Alan's platonic high school girlfriend comes back into his life and creates contention between he and Charlie. - S02E13
Zejdz Zmoich WlosowJanuary 17, 2005When Judith's pipes burst due to an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house. - S02E14
Those Big Pink Things with CoconutsJanuary 31, 2005Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' and grandson's lives after Alan forbids her to see Jake. - S02E15
Smell the Umbrella StandFebruary 7, 2005Charlie tries to take Alan and Jake to Las Vegas in order to distract Alan from an impending medical procedure. - S02E16
Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?February 14, 2005An already stressed Alan is pushed to the limit when Judith leaves Jake with him while she goes on vacation. - S02E17
Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!February 21, 2005After Charlie injures his back during sex, Alan takes him to the doctor. - S02E18
It was 'Mame,' MomMarch 7, 2005Charlie makes Alan pose as his life partner at a business party thrown by a gay ad executive. - S02E19
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping NoiseMarch 21, 2005Alan goes on a date with one of Charlie's ex-girlfriends. - S02E20
I Always Wanted a Shaved MonkeyApril 18, 2005Unable to express the anger they have toward the women in their lives, Charlie and Alan take it out on each other. - S02E21
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry OnMay 2, 2005Charlie, Alan and Jake accompany Evelyn to her second-husband's funeral. - S02E22
That Old Hose Bag Is My MotherMay 9, 2005Alan goes on a nightmarish blind date in order to repay a debt to his mother. - S02E23
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, SquabMay 16, 2005Alan reluctantly leaves Jake at Evelyn's for a sleepover and winds up partying with Charlie and a busload of beautiful female volleyball pla - S02E24
Does This Smell Funny to You?May 23, 2005Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's hot young trophy wife.
Season03
- S03E01
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic GymnastsSeptember 19, 2005After Alan falls off the roof trying to fix the satellite dish, Charlie volunteers to look after Jake for the weekend. - S03E02
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian LoverSeptember 26, 2005Charlie turns Alan's chiropractic office into a brothel while Alan tries to avoid offending a large-breasted woman. - S03E03
Carpet Burns and a Bite MarkOctober 3, 2005Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith. - S03E04
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward BoobsOctober 10, 2005Berta moves in for a few days and sets Charlie and Alan at each others' throats. - S03E05
We Called It Mr. PinkyOctober 17, 2005Bout of impotence causes Charlie to reexamine his feelings toward women. - S03E06
Hi, Mr. Horned OneOctober 24, 2005Alan is convinced that Charlie's new girlfriend has put an evil curse on him. - S03E07
Sleep Tight, Puddin' PopNovember 7, 2005Rose's father confronts Charlie about his intentions towards his daughter. - S03E08
Season's bestThat Voodoo That I Do DoNovember 14, 2005Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher. - S03E09
Madame and Her Special FriendNovember 21, 2005Wealthy, elderly woman sets her sights on Alan. - S03E10
Something Salted and TwistedNovember 28, 2005Charlie helps Alan cope with his lifelong obsession to get women's approval. - S03E11
Santa's Village of the DamnedDecember 19, 2005Alan dates a Martha Stewart-like woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays. - S03E12
That Special TugJanuary 9, 2006Alan's emotional breakdown sends Charlie into therapy. - S03E13
Humiliation Is a Visual MediumJanuary 23, 2006Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex. - S03E14
Love Isn't Blind, It's RetardedFebruary 6, 2006Charlie plans the ultimate romantic evening with Mia, and Alan dates a much younger woman. - S03E15
My Tongue Is MeatFebruary 27, 2006Charlie's lifestyle causes tension with Mia. - S03E16
Ergo, the Booty CallMarch 6, 2006Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party. - S03E17
The Unfortunate Little SchnauserMarch 13, 2006Charlie is nominated for an advertising award against his arch nemesis who always wins. - S03E18
The Spit-Covered CobblerMarch 20, 2006Alan becomes financially strapped when he starts paying his young girlfriend's bills. - S03E19
Golly Moses, She's a MuffinApril 10, 2006Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house. - S03E20
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a BurroApril 24, 2006Charlie is sleeping with Kandi's mother as Alan tries to win Kandi back. - S03E21
And the Plot MoistensMay 1, 2006Alan finds he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi. - S03E22
Just Once with Aunt SophieMay 8, 2006Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party. - S03E23
Arguments for the QuickieMay 15, 2006Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Mia, comes back in town with an unexpected request, which Charlie follows with an unexpected question of his own. - S03E24
That Pistol-Packin' HermaphroditeMay 22, 2006Charlie and Mia plan their wedding.
Season04
- S04E01
Working for CaligulaSeptember 18, 2006Now that newlywed Alan has moved out, Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle. - S04E02
Who's Vod Kanockers?September 25, 2006Charlie finally tells Alan the truth about why he broke up with Mia, and a famous neighbor causes problems. - S04E03
The Sea Is a Harsh MistressOctober 2, 2006After nearly drowning, Charlie is convinced he saw his late father. - S04E04
A Pot Smoking MonkeyOctober 9, 2006Alan and Kandi become embroiled in an unconventional custody battle. - S04E05
A Live Woman of Proven FertilityOctober 16, 2006Alan and Charlie bond with Judith's new fiancé in an effort to improve his relationship with Jake. - S04E06
Apologies for the FrivolityOctober 23, 2006Charlie cannot see that he's dating a younger version of his mother. - S04E07
Repeated Blows to His Unformed HeadNovember 6, 2006Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter, while Alan indulges an unusual fetish. - S04E08
Release the DogsNovember 13, 2006Alan seeks a cure for his insomnia, while Charlie pursues the mother of Jake's new girlfriend. - S04E09
Corey's Been Dead for an HourNovember 20, 2006Ladies' man Charlie and tightwad Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time. - S04E10
Kissing Abraham LincolnNovember 27, 2006Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper, while Alan looks to sell Kandi's condo but sex keeps getting in the way. - S04E11
Walnuts and DemerolDecember 11, 2006Charlie finds himself throwing an unplanned, unwanted holiday party as Evelyn tries to keep him from bedding his date. - S04E12
Castrating Sheep in MontanaJanuary 8, 2007Berta discovers that Alan has been secretly dating her daughter. - S04E13
Don't Worry, Speed RacerJanuary 22, 2007When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb having sex, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie. - S04E14
That's Summer Sausage, Not SalamiFebruary 5, 2007Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their hot new neighbor. - S04E15
My Damn StalkerFebruary 12, 2007When Rose announces she is moving to London, Charlie must face his true feelings for her. Meanwhile, Alan tries online dating with unforesee - S04E16
Young People Have Phlegm TooFebruary 19, 2007Charlie tries to keep up with a much younger woman. - S04E17
I Merely Slept with a CommieFebruary 26, 2007When Charlie and Alan tell Evelyn they don't think anyone would mourn at her funeral, she replaces them with unlikely surrogates. - S04E18
It Never Rains in HootervilleMarch 19, 2007Realizing Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last minute attempt at father-son bonding. - S04E19
Season's bestSmooth As a Ken DollApril 9, 2007As Judith's and Herb's wedding nears, Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister. - S04E20
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a LotApril 16, 2007Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding, while Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister, Myra,. - S04E21
Tucked, Taped and GorgeousApril 23, 2007Alan befriends Greg, a gay single dad, causing Alan and Charlie to re-examine their own sexual identities. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Gr - S04E22
Mr. McGlue's FeedbagApril 30, 2007Jake comes into a windfall when Charlie takes him to the track, and Alan is stuck in that special hell known as the Department of Motor Vehi - S04E23
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookinMay 7, 2007Charlie loses a girl to a young, handsome handyman, who is working at his house. - S04E24
Prostitutes and GelatoMay 14, 2007Charlie and Alan must confront their "daddy issues" when Evelyn's new boyfriend invites them to Vegas on his private jet.
Season05
- S05E01
Large Birds, Spiders and MomSeptember 24, 2007Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of Junior High, but may wind up traumatizing him instead. - S05E02
Media Room Slash DungeonOctober 1, 2007Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother, and Alan's date reacts oddly after having sex with him. - S05E03
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy DooOctober 8, 2007Suffering from bimbo fatigue, Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age. - S05E04
City of Great RacksOctober 15, 2007Charlie gets closer to consummating his relationship with Linda, but begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns. - S05E05
Putting Swim Fins on a CatOctober 22, 2007Charlie has to find creative ways to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son, while Alan becomes a human guinea pig. - S05E06
Help Daddy Find His ToenailOctober 29, 2007Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him in public. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to a concert despite Alan's forbiddance. - S05E07
Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest RoomNovember 5, 2007Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn. - S05E08
Season's bestIs There a Mrs. Waffles?November 12, 2007Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable. - S05E09
Tight's GoodNovember 19, 2007Charlie tries to resist his attraction to his soon-to-be step sister. - S05E10
Kinda Like NecrophiliaNovember 26, 2007Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high school girlfriend. - S05E11
Meander to Your DanderMarch 17, 2008Charlie coaches Alan in the fine art of breaking up with a woman. - S05E12
A Little Clammy and None Too FreshMarch 24, 2008Rose is back from England and takes very strange care of a very sick Charlie. - S05E13
The Soil Is MoistMarch 31, 2008Alan dates one of his ex-wife's friends who reveals a secret about Judith's sex life. - S05E14
Winky-Dink TimeApril 14, 2008Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets Alan up with a prostitute. - S05E15
Rough Night in Hump JunctionApril 21, 2008Alan worries that Charlie's womanizing is out of control. - S05E16
Look at Me, Mommy, I'm PrettyApril 28, 2008Alan plans Evelyn's wedding while Charlie pursues his future step-sister. - S05E17
Fish in a DrawerMay 5, 2008The team from CSI investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house. - S05E18
If My Hole Could TalkMay 12, 2008Charlie finds himself attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books, while Alan and Jake battle over a school assignment. - S05E19
Waiting for the Right SnapperMay 19, 2008Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the grown daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
Season06
- S06E01
Taterhead Is Our Love ChildSeptember 22, 2008Charlie encounters an ex whose son looks an awful lot like him. - S06E02
Pie Hole, HerbSeptember 29, 2008Alan lends Charlie money and crosses a line in his attempts to get it back. - S06E03
Damn You, Eggs BenedictOctober 6, 2008Charlie tries cooking, Alan tries dating two women at the same time and Jake tries beer. - S06E04
The Flavin' and the Mavin'October 13, 2008Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist as Alan anxiously awaits disaster. - S06E05
A Jock Strap in HellOctober 20, 2008The guys bump into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie. Charlie tries to help her out by giving her a roo - S06E06
It's Always Nazi WeekNovember 3, 2008When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking. - S06E07
Best H.O. Money Can BuyNovember 10, 2008Alan tries to escape Judith's grasp as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl. - S06E08
Pinocchio's MouthNovember 17, 2008Charlie's new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake. - S06E09
Season's bestThe Mooch at the BooNovember 24, 2008Jake disappears with the daughter of Charlie's neighbor, a former NFL player, and Charlie is left to cover his back. Meanwhile, Alan scores - S06E10
He Smelled the Ham, He Got ExcitedDecember 8, 2008Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, leaving Alan to wonder if he ever needs to work again. - S06E11
The Devil's LubeDecember 15, 2008One of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, leaving Charlie to reevaluate his own reckless lifestyle. - S06E12
Thank God for ScoliosisJanuary 12, 2009Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist. - S06E13
I Think You Offended DonJanuary 19, 2009Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced that he is the father. Meanwhile, Jake is in a contentious mood and Charlie thinks - S06E14
David Copperfield Slipped Me a RoofieFebruary 2, 2009Convinced that Alan's family doesn't fully appreciate him, Melissa invites Alan to live with her and her mom. - S06E15
I'd Like to Start with the CatFebruary 9, 2009Charlie finds himself in couples counseling. - S06E16
She'll Still Be Dead at HalftimeMarch 2, 2009Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives. - S06E17
The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?March 9, 2009Charlie tells Chelsea that he loves her, but doesn't get the response he expects. - S06E18
My Son's Enormous HeadMarch 16, 2009When Chelsea gets sick and Charlie has to take care of her, he must also fight the overwhelming urge to flee. - S06E19
The Two Finger RuleMarch 30, 2009Charlie joins Alan, Herb and his next door neighbor in a night of alcohol-fueled sexual reminiscences after Chelsea finds nude pictures of a - S06E20
Hello, I Am Alan CousteauApril 13, 2009Evelyn finally meets Chelsea and Charlie, and tries to prevent them from becoming friends. - S06E21
Above Exalted CyclopsApril 27, 2009Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with her new friend. Rose. - S06E22
Sir Lancelot's Litter BoxMay 4, 2009Charlie reluctantly agrees to let Chelsea move in as he mourns the loss of his bachelor pad. Meanwhile, Alan finds that there's not much spa - S06E23
Good Morning, Mrs. ButterworthMay 11, 2009Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation. - S06E24
Baseball with Better SteroidsMay 18, 2009Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charl
Season07
- S07E01
Season's best818-jklpuzoSeptember 21, 2009Charlie must decide between his fiancée, Chelsea, and his old flame, Mia. - S07E02
Whipped Unto the Third GenerationSeptember 28, 2009When Charlie's fiancée, Chelsea, convinces him to let Melissa, Alan's girlfriend, move in, the girls take over the house. - S07E03
Mmm, Fish. Yum.October 5, 2009Alan plays nursemaid to Judith's baby and her tipsy mother. Meanwhile, Jake blackmails Charlie with an incriminating photo. - S07E04
Laxative Tester, Horse InseminatorOctober 12, 2009Alan takes a job working for Evelyn, and Charlie is forced to mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship. - S07E05
For the Sake of the ChildOctober 19, 2009Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan after they embarrass him in public. - S07E06
Give Me Your ThumbNovember 2, 2009Alan recommends that Chelsea get breast reduction surgery and Charlie kicks him out. - S07E07
Untainted by FilthNovember 9, 2009Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman. - S07E08
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.November 16, 2009Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house while she gets over a bad breakup. - S07E09
Captain Terry's Spray-On HairNovember 23, 2009Charlie is crushed when he discovers he hasn't been satisfying Chelsea and Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair on the cheap. - S07E10
That's Why They Call It Ball RoomDecember 7, 2009Charlie discovers that Chelsea hasn't been completely honest about her finances. - S07E11
Warning, It's DirtyDecember 14, 2009Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas. - S07E12
Fart Jokes, Pie and CelesteJanuary 11, 2010Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend, and Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith's watchful eye. - S07E13
Yay, No Polyps!January 18, 2010Charlie endures a colonoscopy to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, only to return home and find them in his living room. - S07E14
Crude and Uncalled ForFebruary 1, 2010Alan ends up in jail after a bar fight, and Charlie worries that Chelsea might be interested in the lawyer who takes the case. - S07E15
Aye, Aye, CaptainFebruary 8, 2010Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea. - S07E16
Tinkle Like a PrincessMarch 1, 2010Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea. - S07E17
I Found Your MoustacheMarch 8, 2010Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand. - S07E18
Ixnay on the Oggie DayMarch 22, 2010Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient. - S07E19
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His GraveApril 12, 2010Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence but Alan really likes his hot mom. - S07E20
I Called Him MagooMay 10, 2010Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend expe - S07E21
Gumby with a PokeyMay 17, 2010Alan and Jake go on a road trip while Charlie is visited by the ghosts of girlfriends past. - S07E22
This Is Not Gonna End WellMay 24, 2010Jake becomes Charlie's driver after Charlie has his license suspended, and to Charlie's chagrin, Alan makes plans to attend Chelsea's birthd
Season08
- S08E01
Three Girls and a Guy Named BudSeptember 20, 2010When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's ti - S08E02
A Bottle of Wine and a JackhammerSeptember 27, 2010When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get Alan to say "yes". - S08E03
A Pudding-Filled CactusOctober 4, 2010Alan moves in with Lyndsey but continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house. - S08E04
Hookers, Hookers, HookersOctober 11, 2010Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after Alan burns down their home. - S08E05
The Immortal Mr. Billy JoelOctober 18, 2010Alan goes out on the town pretending to be Charlie, while Charlie sneaks off for some cosmetic surgery. - S08E06
Twanging Your Magic ClangerOctober 25, 2010Charlie has trouble adjusting to dating a slightly older woman. - S08E07
The Crazy Bitch GazetteNovember 1, 2010Charlie's past comes back to bite him when his girlfriend decides that his stalker, Rose, is just too much to handle. - S08E08
Springtime on a StickNovember 8, 2010Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell, the pharmacist. - S08E09
Season's bestA Good Time in Central AfricaNovember 15, 2010When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husban - S08E10
Ow, Ow, Don't StopNovember 22, 2010Charlie goes on a spending spree for his old fling, Courtney, who shows up after three years in prison for conning him out of money. - S08E11
Dead from the Waist DownDecember 6, 2010Alan is ashamed that he can't afford to buy Lyndsey a birthday present, so he gets creative. - S08E12
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's DeadDecember 13, 2010When Charlie and Courtney break up, Charlie falls into a depression and goes to see his psychiatrist. - S08E13
Skunk, Dog, Crap and KetchupJanuary 3, 2011When Charlie and Lyndsey start becoming friendly, Alan's paranoia gets the best of him. - S08E14
Lookin' for Japanese SubsJanuary 17, 2011Charlie's obsession with the newly "married" Rose leads him to stalk her. Meanwhile, Alan grows concerned when Jake and Eldridge start video - S08E15
Three Hookers and a Philly CheesesteakFebruary 7, 2011While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme. - S08E16
That Darn PriestFebruary 14, 2011Rose uncovers Alan's Ponzi scheme and Alan, in turn, meets "Manny," Rose's mannequin "husband." Meanwhile, Charlie is eager to get some alon
Season09
- S09E01
Nice to Meet You, Walden SchmidtSeptember 19, 2011Ashton Kutcher joins the cast as Walden Schmidt, an internet billionaire with a broken heart. - S09E02
People Who Love PeepholesSeptember 26, 2011Judy Greer is introduced as Bridget, Walden's ex-wife. - S09E03
Big Girls Don't Throw FoodOctober 3, 2011Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school. - S09E04
Nine Magic FingersOctober 10, 2011Trying to rebound from his recent separation, Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right, while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey. - S09E05
A Giant Cat Holding a ChurroOctober 17, 2011Alan struggles to come to terms with Lyndsey's risque movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party at the house. - S09E06
The Squat and the HoverOctober 24, 2011Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her. - S09E07
Those Fancy Japanese ToiletsOctober 31, 2011Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his wi - S09E08
Thank You for the IntercourseNovember 7, 2011When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional. - S09E09
Frodo's HeadshotsNovember 14, 2011Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope. - S09E10
Season's bestA Fishbowl Full of Glass EyesNovember 21, 2011Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world. - S09E11
What a Lovely Landing StripDecember 5, 2011Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life. - S09E12
One False Move, Zimbabwe!December 12, 2011Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral - S09E13
Slowly and in a Circular FashionJanuary 2, 2012When Walden's ex-wife and his mother try to take control of his company, he tries to enlist Alan as an ally. - S09E14
A Possum on ChemoJanuary 16, 2012Zoey tries to coerce Walden into cutting his hair and shaving. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey rekindle their relationship. - S09E15
The Duchess of Dull-in-SackFebruary 6, 2012Walden tries to loosen up Zoey by sharing a couple of Berta's special brownies. - S09E16
Sips, Sonnets and SodomyFebruary 13, 2012Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day. - S09E17
Not in My Mouth!February 20, 2012Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem. - S09E18
The War Against GingivitisFebruary 27, 2012Things get tense in the Malibu house when Walden's estranged ex-business partner shows up looking to bury the hatchet. - S09E19
Palmdale, EchMarch 19, 2012Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers to one another. Meanwhile, Jake and Eldridge enlist Walden to drive them to a high school party. - S09E20
Grandma's PieApril 9, 2012Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey try to come to terms with their - S09E21
Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'April 16, 2012Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he move - S09E22
Why We Gave Up WomenApril 30, 2012After Alan suffers a minor heart attack, Charlie's ghost pays a visit to his hospital bedside. - S09E23
The Straw in My Donut HoleMay 7, 2012Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn't so sure it's deserved. - S09E24
Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!May 14, 2012Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.
Season10
- S10E01
I Changed My Mind About the MilkSeptember 27, 2012Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday. - S10E02
A Big Bag of DogOctober 4, 2012Following his break-up with Zoey, Walden has a breakdown. - S10E03
Four Balls, Two Bats and One MittOctober 11, 2012Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom. - S10E04
You Do Know What the Lollipop's ForOctober 18, 2012Walden starts to feel his age when a friend's daughter comes to town. - S10E05
That's Not What They Call It in AmsterdamOctober 25, 2012Despite Alan's warnings, Walden starts dating Rose. - S10E06
Ferrets, Attack!November 1, 2012Walden has to choose between Rose and Zoey. - S10E07
Avoid the Chinese MustardNovember 8, 2012Tired of the complications of a traditional relationship, Walden hires an actress to play the part of his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Jake and Mi - S10E08
Something My Gynecologist SaidNovember 15, 2012Alan is hesitant to make a serious commitment to Lyndsey but gets inspiration from an unlikely source. Meanwhile, Walden enjoys being a boy- - S10E09
I Scream When I PeeNovember 29, 2012Alan's smokin' hot, famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants him back. Meanwhile, Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, so Walden helps ma - S10E10
One Nut JohnsonDecember 6, 2012Alan helps Walden create a new identity in order to find a woman who isn't just after his money. - S10E11
Season's bestGive Santa a Tail-HoleDecember 13, 2012Walden juggles having two identities - rich man and poor man - and Alan finds himself alone at Christmas. - S10E12
Welcome to AlancrestJanuary 3, 2013Using Walden's money, Alan invests in Kate's fashion line. Meanwhile, leading a double life starts to take its toll on Walden. - S10E13
Grab a Feather and Get in LineJanuary 10, 2013Walden and Alan go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can tell her the truth about his identity. - S10E14
Run, Steven Staven! Run!January 31, 2013Alan and Lyndsey's relationship is strained when he won't give her a key to the beach house. Meanwhile, Walden, Alan, Billy and Herb commise - S10E15
Paint It, Pierce It or Plug ItFebruary 7, 2013Alan has concerns when Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit. Meanwhile, Walden tries to keep a secret from Alan. - S10E16
Advantage: Fat, Flying BabyFebruary 14, 2013Walden, depressed about being single on Valentine's Day, tries to convince Kate to give him another chance. Meanwhile, Alan's Valentine's Da - S10E17
Throgwarten Middle School MysteriesFebruary 21, 2013When Walden runs into his ex-wife at a high-end singles mixer and they talk about getting back together, Alan worries that she's not good fo - S10E18
The 9:04 from PembertonMarch 7, 2013Following a fight with Walden, Alan moves in with Herb. - S10E19
Big Episode. Someone Stole a SpoonMarch 14, 2013Walden and Alan try to cheer up a lonely Herb, but end up partying a little too hard. - S10E20
Bazinga! That's from a TV ShowApril 4, 2013When Jake cheats on his girlfriend with her 18-year-old daughter, Alan and Walden get caught in the crossfire. - S10E21
Another Night with Neil DiamondApril 25, 2013Alan has trouble coping when Lyndsey dumps him and Walden must find a way to help him get back on his feet. - S10E22
My Bodacious VidaliaMay 2, 2013When Walden encourages a depressed Alan to update his look and start dating again, Alan faces a moral dilemma when he attracts a married wom - S10E23
Cows, Prepare to Be TippedMay 9, 2013Walden dates a hot 22-year-old woman, but finds himself more attracted to her worldly grandmother. Meanwhile, Alan and Jake go on a father-s
Season11
- S11E01
NangnangnangnangSeptember 26, 2013Alan is shocked when Charlie's 25-year-old daughter shows up at Walden's beach house to connect with what's left of her family, and who happ - S11E02
I Think I Banged Lucille BallOctober 3, 2013When Walden feels cramped in his own house, Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her boyfriend, Marty. Meanwhile, Alan becomes Lyndsey's "other ma - S11E03
This Unblessed BiscuitOctober 10, 2013Walden and Alan think it may be time for Berta to retire when she injures her back at work. - S11E04
Clank, Clank, Drunken SkankOctober 17, 2013Walden starts partying with Jenny and her hot friends. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair is jeopardized. - S11E05
Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003October 24, 2013Alan befriends Lyndsey's boyfriend in an effort to find out what he has that Alan doesn't. Meanwhile, Walden helps Jenny be more proactive i - S11E06
Season's bestJustice in Star-Spangled Hot PantsNovember 7, 2013When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invi - S11E07
Some Kind of Lesbian ZombieNovember 14, 2013Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening. - S11E08
Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.November 21, 2013Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair puts Walden in danger, forcing him to accept Rose's help. - S11E09
Numero Uno Accidente LawyerDecember 5, 2013Walden's date with an accident-prone model goes longer than expected. Meanwhile, Alan dates a woman who shares some surprising personal info - S11E10
On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!December 12, 2013Walden helps Jenny get a second date with a one-night stand and Alan's transgender girlfriend's ex-wife hits on him. Meanwhile, in the spiri - S11E11
Tazed in the Lady NutsJanuary 2, 2014Walden joins his beautiful former employee on a brilliant new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk lo - S11E12
Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.January 9, 2014Alan lets Lyndsey's boyfriend Larry set him up on a date. Meanwhile, Walden offers to help Nicole with her software project so she'll have t - S11E13
Bite Me, Supreme CourtJanuary 30, 2014After Marty proposes to Evelyn, Walden and Alan throw him a bachelor party with several of his old friends. - S11E14
Three Fingers of Crème de MentheFebruary 6, 2014Alan learns that Lyndsey broke up with Larry and didn't tell him. Meanwhile, Walden sets out to prove that he's a man's man. - S11E15
Cab Fare and a Bottle of PenicillinFebruary 27, 2014Alan gives Lyndsey the option of choosing between him and Larry. Meanwhile, Jenny fears she and Brooke are growing apart. - S11E16
How to Get Rid of Alan HarperMarch 6, 2014"How To Get Rid of Alan Harper"- Walden suspects his new girlfriend is cheating on him. Meanwhile, Alan gets even more intertwined in Lyndse - S11E17
Welcome Home, JakeMarch 13, 2014Lyndsey discovers that Alan is sleeping with Larry's sister, Gretchen. Meanwhile, Walden struggles with telling Barry to find his own place. - S11E18
West Side StoryApril 3, 2014Walden gets an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's boutique opening. Meanwhile, Gretchen wants to spend more time at Alan's house. - S11E19
Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding ShangApril 10, 2014Walden reconnects with Kate and is sure she's "The One" - that is, until he meets Vivian and becomes convinced she's "The One." Meanwhile, A - S11E20
Lotta Delis in Little ArmeniaApril 24, 2014Alan stumbles upon an opportunity to make money. Meanwhile, Walden has to address his co-dependency issues. - S11E21
Dial 1-900-Mix-a-LotMay 1, 2014Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to se - S11E22
Oh WALD-E, Good Times AheadMay 8, 2014Alan confesses his true identity to Larry and has to face the consequences.
Season12
- S12E01
The Ol' Mexican SpinachOctober 30, 2014Following a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides to reprioritize his life with Alan's help. - S12E02
A Chic Bar in IbizaNovember 6, 2014When Walden asks Alan to sign a pre-nup, Alan gets offended and has second thoughts about getting married. - S12E03
Glamping in a YurtNovember 13, 2014Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Meanwhile, Lyndsey re - S12E04
Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-EightNovember 20, 2014Walden and Alan meet a birth mother who's considering them to adopt her baby. - S12E05
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.November 27, 2014Walden decides to foster a 6-year-old boy, but begins to doubt himself when they don't bond like he expected. - S12E06
Alan Shot a Little GirlDecember 4, 2014When Alan realizes Louis thinks he's cool, he starts breaking Walden's rules in order to stay that way. - S12E07
Sex with an Animated Ed AsnerDecember 11, 2014Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids' gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Meanwhile, Alan - S12E08
Family, Bublé, Deep-fried TurkeyDecember 18, 2014Walden and Alan are determined to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real. - S12E09
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, LyndseyJanuary 8, 2015Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can - S12E10
Here I Come, Pants!January 15, 2015Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple. - S12E11
For Whom the Booty CallsJanuary 22, 2015Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan. - S12E12
A Beer-Battered Rip-OffJanuary 29, 2015When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis' adoption. - S12E13
Boompa Loved His HookersFebruary 5, 2015Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move - S12E14
Don't Give a Monkey a GunFebruary 12, 2015After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it - S12E15
Of Course He's Dead - Part OneFebruary 19, 2015Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he? - S12E16
Season's bestOf Course He's Dead - Part TwoFebruary 19, 2015The series finale recalls the life—and presumed death—of Charlie Harper.
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