Two and a Half Men

1. S01E01PilotSeptember 22, 2003 7.6Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.
2. S01E02Big Flappy BastardsSeptember 29, 2003 7.4Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith
3. S01E03Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of HellOctober 6, 2003 7.1Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.
4. S01E04If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a NapOctober 13, 2003 7.1Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Mea
5. S01E05The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a HumpOctober 20, 2003 7.8Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.
6. S01E06Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?October 27, 2003 7.1The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.
7. S01E07If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually FakeNovember 3, 2003 7.8Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . The
8. S01E08Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-fulNovember 10, 2003 7.7Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.
9. S01E09Phase One, CompleteNovember 17, 2003 7.1Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends J
10. S01E10Merry ThanksgivingNovember 24, 2003 7.8When Charlie's favorite ex announces that she is going to get married Charlie attempts to win her back. Tensions arise at a family Thanksgiv
11. S01E11Alan Harper, Frontier ChiropractorDecember 15, 2003 6.4When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.
12. S01E12Season's bestCamel Filters + PheromonesJanuary 5, 2004 8.2Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.
13. S01E13Sarah Like Puny AlanJanuary 12, 2004 6.5Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date fo
14. S01E14I Can't Afford HyenasFebruary 2, 2004 7.5Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must
15. S01E15Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)February 9, 2004 7.6Despite Alan's warning, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie that he meets at the garage.
16. S01E16That Was Saliva, Alan (2)February 16, 2004 7.6Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.
17. S01E17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the HatsFebruary 23, 2004 7.5Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his
18. S01E18An Old Flame with a New WickMarch 1, 2004 8.2One of Charlie's ex-girlfriends is now a man. It gets better: He starts dating Evelyn, who's clueless about his past history with her son.
19. S01E19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember YouMarch 22, 2004 7.8Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has
20. S01E20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the DarkApril 19, 2004 7.1Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.
21. S01E21No Sniffing, No WowingMay 3, 2004 7.9Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dum
22. S01E22My Doctor Has a Cow PuppetMay 10, 2004 7.4When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up
23. S01E23Just Like BuffaloMay 17, 2004 8.2When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with h
24. S01E24Can You Feel My Finger?May 24, 2004 7.3Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

Season 1 ranked & reviewed

1. S02E01Back Off, Mary PoppinsSeptember 20, 2004 6.6When Alan discovers that Charlie is a member of an exclusive men's support group, he begs his brother to let him join.
2. S02E02Enjoy Those Garlic BallsSeptember 27, 2004 6.9Alan overzealously tries to push Judith's new relationship to the next level after Charlie mentions that he'll be off the hook for alimony i
3. S02E03A Bag Full of JaweaOctober 4, 2004 7.5Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher, with unfortunate results.
4. S02E04Go Get Mommy's BraOctober 11, 2004 7.4Charlie discovers that he made a big mistake when he lends Evelyn his Mercedes for a day in exchange for her hybrid car.
5. S02E05Bad News from the Clinic?October 18, 2004 7.5Charlie falls head over heels for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
6. S02E06The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal VigilanceOctober 25, 2004 6.8When Charlie confesses playing a nasty trick on Alan when they were younger, Alan's self image is turned upside down.
7. S02E07A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in FontanaNovember 8, 2004 7.1Charlie and Alan employ Berta's crazy sister to cater a party that Evelyn has cornered them into throwing for her.
8. S02E08Season's bestFrankenstein and the Horny VillagersNovember 15, 2004 7.9Alan meets a woman at the supermarket who introduces him to the kind of fantastic sex life Charlie is accustomed to.
9. S02E09Yes, MonsignorNovember 22, 2004 7.2Charlie's ex-girlfriend comes back into his life with a little more baggage than when she left.
10. S02E10The Salmon Under My SweaterNovember 29, 2004 7.2Jake helps Charlie write a theme song for a new cartoon, and things heat up between Alan and Rose.
11. S02E11Last Chance to See Those TattoosDecember 13, 2004 7.7Charlie finds out that his promiscuous lifestyle has become the subject of an angry web site.
12. S02E12A Lung Full of AlanJanuary 3, 2005 7.8Alan's platonic high school girlfriend comes back into his life and creates contention between he and Charlie.
13. S02E13Zejdz Zmoich WlosowJanuary 17, 2005 7.6When Judith's pipes burst due to an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
14. S02E14Those Big Pink Things with CoconutsJanuary 31, 2005 7.2Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' and grandson's lives after Alan forbids her to see Jake.
15. S02E15Smell the Umbrella StandFebruary 7, 2005 6.8Charlie tries to take Alan and Jake to Las Vegas in order to distract Alan from an impending medical procedure.
16. S02E16Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?February 14, 2005 7.7An already stressed Alan is pushed to the limit when Judith leaves Jake with him while she goes on vacation.
17. S02E17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!February 21, 2005 6.9After Charlie injures his back during sex, Alan takes him to the doctor.
18. S02E18It was 'Mame,' MomMarch 7, 2005 7.3Charlie makes Alan pose as his life partner at a business party thrown by a gay ad executive.
19. S02E19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping NoiseMarch 21, 2005 7.6Alan goes on a date with one of Charlie's ex-girlfriends.
20. S02E20I Always Wanted a Shaved MonkeyApril 18, 2005 6.5Unable to express the anger they have toward the women in their lives, Charlie and Alan take it out on each other.
21. S02E21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry OnMay 2, 2005 7.0Charlie, Alan and Jake accompany Evelyn to her second-husband's funeral.
22. S02E22That Old Hose Bag Is My MotherMay 9, 2005 6.8Alan goes on a nightmarish blind date in order to repay a debt to his mother.
23. S02E23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, SquabMay 16, 2005 7.2Alan reluctantly leaves Jake at Evelyn's for a sleepover and winds up partying with Charlie and a busload of beautiful female volleyball pla
24. S02E24Does This Smell Funny to You?May 23, 2005 7.3Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's hot young trophy wife.

Season 2 ranked & reviewed

1. S03E01Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic GymnastsSeptember 19, 2005 6.8After Alan falls off the roof trying to fix the satellite dish, Charlie volunteers to look after Jake for the weekend.
2. S03E02Principal Gallagher's Lesbian LoverSeptember 26, 2005 7.5Charlie turns Alan's chiropractic office into a brothel while Alan tries to avoid offending a large-breasted woman.
3. S03E03Carpet Burns and a Bite MarkOctober 3, 2005 7.0Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
4. S03E04Your Dismissive Attitude Toward BoobsOctober 10, 2005 7.6Berta moves in for a few days and sets Charlie and Alan at each others' throats.
5. S03E05We Called It Mr. PinkyOctober 17, 2005 7.5Bout of impotence causes Charlie to reexamine his feelings toward women.
6. S03E06Hi, Mr. Horned OneOctober 24, 2005 7.6Alan is convinced that Charlie's new girlfriend has put an evil curse on him.
7. S03E07Sleep Tight, Puddin' PopNovember 7, 2005 7.6Rose's father confronts Charlie about his intentions towards his daughter.
8. S03E08Season's bestThat Voodoo That I Do DoNovember 14, 2005 8.3Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
9. S03E09Madame and Her Special FriendNovember 21, 2005 7.3Wealthy, elderly woman sets her sights on Alan.
10. S03E10Something Salted and TwistedNovember 28, 2005 6.1Charlie helps Alan cope with his lifelong obsession to get women's approval.
11. S03E11Santa's Village of the DamnedDecember 19, 2005 7.4Alan dates a Martha Stewart-like woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
12. S03E12That Special TugJanuary 9, 2006 7.2Alan's emotional breakdown sends Charlie into therapy.
13. S03E13Humiliation Is a Visual MediumJanuary 23, 2006 7.8Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.
14. S03E14Love Isn't Blind, It's RetardedFebruary 6, 2006 8.3Charlie plans the ultimate romantic evening with Mia, and Alan dates a much younger woman.
15. S03E15My Tongue Is MeatFebruary 27, 2006 7.8Charlie's lifestyle causes tension with Mia.
16. S03E16Ergo, the Booty CallMarch 6, 2006 8.1Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.
17. S03E17The Unfortunate Little SchnauserMarch 13, 2006 7.1Charlie is nominated for an advertising award against his arch nemesis who always wins.
18. S03E18The Spit-Covered CobblerMarch 20, 2006 7.2Alan becomes financially strapped when he starts paying his young girlfriend's bills.
19. S03E19Golly Moses, She's a MuffinApril 10, 2006 7.7Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house.
20. S03E20Always a Bridesmaid, Never a BurroApril 24, 2006 7.4Charlie is sleeping with Kandi's mother as Alan tries to win Kandi back.
21. S03E21And the Plot MoistensMay 1, 2006 6.8Alan finds he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.
22. S03E22Just Once with Aunt SophieMay 8, 2006 7.4Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.
23. S03E23Arguments for the QuickieMay 15, 2006 7.9Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Mia, comes back in town with an unexpected request, which Charlie follows with an unexpected question of his own.
24. S03E24That Pistol-Packin' HermaphroditeMay 22, 2006 7.3Charlie and Mia plan their wedding.

Season 3 ranked & reviewed

1. S04E01Working for CaligulaSeptember 18, 2006 7.4Now that newlywed Alan has moved out, Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle.
2. S04E02Who's Vod Kanockers?September 25, 2006 7.6Charlie finally tells Alan the truth about why he broke up with Mia, and a famous neighbor causes problems.
3. S04E03The Sea Is a Harsh MistressOctober 2, 2006 7.1After nearly drowning, Charlie is convinced he saw his late father.
4. S04E04A Pot Smoking MonkeyOctober 9, 2006 7.0Alan and Kandi become embroiled in an unconventional custody battle.
5. S04E05A Live Woman of Proven FertilityOctober 16, 2006 7.4Alan and Charlie bond with Judith's new fiancé in an effort to improve his relationship with Jake.
6. S04E06Apologies for the FrivolityOctober 23, 2006 7.3Charlie cannot see that he's dating a younger version of his mother.
7. S04E07Repeated Blows to His Unformed HeadNovember 6, 2006 7.4Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter, while Alan indulges an unusual fetish.
8. S04E08Release the DogsNovember 13, 2006 7.5Alan seeks a cure for his insomnia, while Charlie pursues the mother of Jake's new girlfriend.
9. S04E09Corey's Been Dead for an HourNovember 20, 2006 7.1Ladies' man Charlie and tightwad Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
10. S04E10Kissing Abraham LincolnNovember 27, 2006 7.2Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper, while Alan looks to sell Kandi's condo but sex keeps getting in the way.
11. S04E11Walnuts and DemerolDecember 11, 2006 7.7Charlie finds himself throwing an unplanned, unwanted holiday party as Evelyn tries to keep him from bedding his date.
12. S04E12Castrating Sheep in MontanaJanuary 8, 2007 7.0Berta discovers that Alan has been secretly dating her daughter.
13. S04E13Don't Worry, Speed RacerJanuary 22, 2007 7.7When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb having sex, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
14. S04E14That's Summer Sausage, Not SalamiFebruary 5, 2007 7.5Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their hot new neighbor.
15. S04E15My Damn StalkerFebruary 12, 2007 7.7When Rose announces she is moving to London, Charlie must face his true feelings for her. Meanwhile, Alan tries online dating with unforesee
16. S04E16Young People Have Phlegm TooFebruary 19, 2007 6.5Charlie tries to keep up with a much younger woman.
17. S04E17I Merely Slept with a CommieFebruary 26, 2007 6.6When Charlie and Alan tell Evelyn they don't think anyone would mourn at her funeral, she replaces them with unlikely surrogates.
18. S04E18It Never Rains in HootervilleMarch 19, 2007 6.8Realizing Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last minute attempt at father-son bonding.
19. S04E19Season's bestSmooth As a Ken DollApril 9, 2007 7.9As Judith's and Herb's wedding nears, Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister.
20. S04E20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a LotApril 16, 2007 7.5Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding, while Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister, Myra,.
21. S04E21Tucked, Taped and GorgeousApril 23, 2007 6.6Alan befriends Greg, a gay single dad, causing Alan and Charlie to re-examine their own sexual identities. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Gr
22. S04E22Mr. McGlue's FeedbagApril 30, 2007 7.5Jake comes into a windfall when Charlie takes him to the track, and Alan is stuck in that special hell known as the Department of Motor Vehi
23. S04E23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookinMay 7, 2007 7.2Charlie loses a girl to a young, handsome handyman, who is working at his house.
24. S04E24Prostitutes and GelatoMay 14, 2007 7.7Charlie and Alan must confront their "daddy issues" when Evelyn's new boyfriend invites them to Vegas on his private jet.

Season 4 ranked & reviewed

1. S05E01Large Birds, Spiders and MomSeptember 24, 2007 6.8Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of Junior High, but may wind up traumatizing him instead.
2. S05E02Media Room Slash DungeonOctober 1, 2007 8.0Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother, and Alan's date reacts oddly after having sex with him.
3. S05E03Dum Diddy Dum Diddy DooOctober 8, 2007 7.1Suffering from bimbo fatigue, Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
4. S05E04City of Great RacksOctober 15, 2007 7.1Charlie gets closer to consummating his relationship with Linda, but begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.
5. S05E05Putting Swim Fins on a CatOctober 22, 2007 7.5Charlie has to find creative ways to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son, while Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
6. S05E06Help Daddy Find His ToenailOctober 29, 2007 6.9Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him in public. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to a concert despite Alan's forbiddance.
7. S05E07Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest RoomNovember 5, 2007 6.5Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
8. S05E08Season's bestIs There a Mrs. Waffles?November 12, 2007 8.4Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
9. S05E09Tight's GoodNovember 19, 2007 6.8Charlie tries to resist his attraction to his soon-to-be step sister.
10. S05E10Kinda Like NecrophiliaNovember 26, 2007 7.6Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high school girlfriend.
11. S05E11Meander to Your DanderMarch 17, 2008 7.5Charlie coaches Alan in the fine art of breaking up with a woman.
12. S05E12A Little Clammy and None Too FreshMarch 24, 2008 6.8Rose is back from England and takes very strange care of a very sick Charlie.
13. S05E13The Soil Is MoistMarch 31, 2008 7.6Alan dates one of his ex-wife's friends who reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
14. S05E14Winky-Dink TimeApril 14, 2008 7.5Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets Alan up with a prostitute.
15. S05E15Rough Night in Hump JunctionApril 21, 2008 7.7Alan worries that Charlie's womanizing is out of control.
16. S05E16Look at Me, Mommy, I'm PrettyApril 28, 2008 7.1Alan plans Evelyn's wedding while Charlie pursues his future step-sister.
17. S05E17Fish in a DrawerMay 5, 2008 8.2The team from CSI investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
18. S05E18If My Hole Could TalkMay 12, 2008 7.1Charlie finds himself attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books, while Alan and Jake battle over a school assignment.
19. S05E19Waiting for the Right SnapperMay 19, 2008 7.5Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the grown daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.

Season 5 ranked & reviewed

1. S06E01Taterhead Is Our Love ChildSeptember 22, 2008 7.0Charlie encounters an ex whose son looks an awful lot like him.
2. S06E02Pie Hole, HerbSeptember 29, 2008 7.7Alan lends Charlie money and crosses a line in his attempts to get it back.
3. S06E03Damn You, Eggs BenedictOctober 6, 2008 7.7Charlie tries cooking, Alan tries dating two women at the same time and Jake tries beer.
4. S06E04The Flavin' and the Mavin'October 13, 2008 7.7Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist as Alan anxiously awaits disaster.
5. S06E05A Jock Strap in HellOctober 20, 2008 6.6The guys bump into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie. Charlie tries to help her out by giving her a roo
6. S06E06It's Always Nazi WeekNovember 3, 2008 7.5When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
7. S06E07Best H.O. Money Can BuyNovember 10, 2008 7.1Alan tries to escape Judith's grasp as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
8. S06E08Pinocchio's MouthNovember 17, 2008 7.3Charlie's new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake.
9. S06E09Season's bestThe Mooch at the BooNovember 24, 2008 8.2Jake disappears with the daughter of Charlie's neighbor, a former NFL player, and Charlie is left to cover his back. Meanwhile, Alan scores
10. S06E10He Smelled the Ham, He Got ExcitedDecember 8, 2008 6.8Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, leaving Alan to wonder if he ever needs to work again.
11. S06E11The Devil's LubeDecember 15, 2008 7.5One of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, leaving Charlie to reevaluate his own reckless lifestyle.
12. S06E12Thank God for ScoliosisJanuary 12, 2009 7.5Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
13. S06E13I Think You Offended DonJanuary 19, 2009 7.6Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced that he is the father. Meanwhile, Jake is in a contentious mood and Charlie thinks
14. S06E14David Copperfield Slipped Me a RoofieFebruary 2, 2009 7.6Convinced that Alan's family doesn't fully appreciate him, Melissa invites Alan to live with her and her mom.
15. S06E15I'd Like to Start with the CatFebruary 9, 2009 7.0Charlie finds himself in couples counseling.
16. S06E16She'll Still Be Dead at HalftimeMarch 2, 2009 8.0Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
17. S06E17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?March 9, 2009 7.0Charlie tells Chelsea that he loves her, but doesn't get the response he expects.
18. S06E18My Son's Enormous HeadMarch 16, 2009 7.3When Chelsea gets sick and Charlie has to take care of her, he must also fight the overwhelming urge to flee.
19. S06E19The Two Finger RuleMarch 30, 2009 7.9Charlie joins Alan, Herb and his next door neighbor in a night of alcohol-fueled sexual reminiscences after Chelsea finds nude pictures of a
20. S06E20Hello, I Am Alan CousteauApril 13, 2009 8.1Evelyn finally meets Chelsea and Charlie, and tries to prevent them from becoming friends.
21. S06E21Above Exalted CyclopsApril 27, 2009 7.1Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with her new friend. Rose.
22. S06E22Sir Lancelot's Litter BoxMay 4, 2009 6.9Charlie reluctantly agrees to let Chelsea move in as he mourns the loss of his bachelor pad. Meanwhile, Alan finds that there's not much spa
23. S06E23Good Morning, Mrs. ButterworthMay 11, 2009 7.1Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.
24. S06E24Baseball with Better SteroidsMay 18, 2009 7.6Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charl

Season 6 ranked & reviewed

1. S07E01Season's best818-jklpuzoSeptember 21, 2009 7.7Charlie must decide between his fiancée, Chelsea, and his old flame, Mia.
2. S07E02Whipped Unto the Third GenerationSeptember 28, 2009 7.5When Charlie's fiancée, Chelsea, convinces him to let Melissa, Alan's girlfriend, move in, the girls take over the house.
3. S07E03Mmm, Fish. Yum.October 5, 2009 7.4Alan plays nursemaid to Judith's baby and her tipsy mother. Meanwhile, Jake blackmails Charlie with an incriminating photo.
4. S07E04Laxative Tester, Horse InseminatorOctober 12, 2009 7.3Alan takes a job working for Evelyn, and Charlie is forced to mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
5. S07E05For the Sake of the ChildOctober 19, 2009 7.5Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan after they embarrass him in public.
6. S07E06Give Me Your ThumbNovember 2, 2009 7.4Alan recommends that Chelsea get breast reduction surgery and Charlie kicks him out.
7. S07E07Untainted by FilthNovember 9, 2009 7.1Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
8. S07E08Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.November 16, 2009 7.3Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house while she gets over a bad breakup.
9. S07E09Captain Terry's Spray-On HairNovember 23, 2009 7.5Charlie is crushed when he discovers he hasn't been satisfying Chelsea and Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair on the cheap.
10. S07E10That's Why They Call It Ball RoomDecember 7, 2009 7.3Charlie discovers that Chelsea hasn't been completely honest about her finances.
11. S07E11Warning, It's DirtyDecember 14, 2009 7.4Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
12. S07E12Fart Jokes, Pie and CelesteJanuary 11, 2010 7.2Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend, and Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith's watchful eye.
13. S07E13Yay, No Polyps!January 18, 2010 7.2Charlie endures a colonoscopy to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, only to return home and find them in his living room.
14. S07E14Crude and Uncalled ForFebruary 1, 2010 7.4Alan ends up in jail after a bar fight, and Charlie worries that Chelsea might be interested in the lawyer who takes the case.
15. S07E15Aye, Aye, CaptainFebruary 8, 2010 6.8Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea.
16. S07E16Tinkle Like a PrincessMarch 1, 2010 7.2Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.
17. S07E17I Found Your MoustacheMarch 8, 2010 6.9Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
18. S07E18Ixnay on the Oggie DayMarch 22, 2010 7.5Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.
19. S07E19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His GraveApril 12, 2010 7.2Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence but Alan really likes his hot mom.
20. S07E20I Called Him MagooMay 10, 2010 7.4Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend expe
21. S07E21Gumby with a PokeyMay 17, 2010 7.3Alan and Jake go on a road trip while Charlie is visited by the ghosts of girlfriends past.
22. S07E22This Is Not Gonna End WellMay 24, 2010 7.2Jake becomes Charlie's driver after Charlie has his license suspended, and to Charlie's chagrin, Alan makes plans to attend Chelsea's birthd

Season 7 ranked & reviewed

1. S08E01Three Girls and a Guy Named BudSeptember 20, 2010 7.5When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's ti
2. S08E02A Bottle of Wine and a JackhammerSeptember 27, 2010 7.0When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get Alan to say "yes".
3. S08E03A Pudding-Filled CactusOctober 4, 2010 7.4Alan moves in with Lyndsey but continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
4. S08E04Hookers, Hookers, HookersOctober 11, 2010 7.1Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after Alan burns down their home.
5. S08E05The Immortal Mr. Billy JoelOctober 18, 2010 6.9Alan goes out on the town pretending to be Charlie, while Charlie sneaks off for some cosmetic surgery.
6. S08E06Twanging Your Magic ClangerOctober 25, 2010 7.1Charlie has trouble adjusting to dating a slightly older woman.
7. S08E07The Crazy Bitch GazetteNovember 1, 2010 7.6Charlie's past comes back to bite him when his girlfriend decides that his stalker, Rose, is just too much to handle.
8. S08E08Springtime on a StickNovember 8, 2010 7.3Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell, the pharmacist.
9. S08E09Season's bestA Good Time in Central AfricaNovember 15, 2010 7.9When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husban
10. S08E10Ow, Ow, Don't StopNovember 22, 2010 7.5Charlie goes on a spending spree for his old fling, Courtney, who shows up after three years in prison for conning him out of money.
11. S08E11Dead from the Waist DownDecember 6, 2010 6.8Alan is ashamed that he can't afford to buy Lyndsey a birthday present, so he gets creative.
12. S08E12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's DeadDecember 13, 2010 7.0When Charlie and Courtney break up, Charlie falls into a depression and goes to see his psychiatrist.
13. S08E13Skunk, Dog, Crap and KetchupJanuary 3, 2011 7.5When Charlie and Lyndsey start becoming friendly, Alan's paranoia gets the best of him.
14. S08E14Lookin' for Japanese SubsJanuary 17, 2011 6.9Charlie's obsession with the newly "married" Rose leads him to stalk her. Meanwhile, Alan grows concerned when Jake and Eldridge start video
15. S08E15Three Hookers and a Philly CheesesteakFebruary 7, 2011 6.9While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.
16. S08E16That Darn PriestFebruary 14, 2011 7.0Rose uncovers Alan's Ponzi scheme and Alan, in turn, meets "Manny," Rose's mannequin "husband." Meanwhile, Charlie is eager to get some alon

Season 8 ranked & reviewed

1. S09E01Nice to Meet You, Walden SchmidtSeptember 19, 2011 5.4Ashton Kutcher joins the cast as Walden Schmidt, an internet billionaire with a broken heart.
2. S09E02People Who Love PeepholesSeptember 26, 2011 5.8Judy Greer is introduced as Bridget, Walden's ex-wife.
3. S09E03Big Girls Don't Throw FoodOctober 3, 2011 5.6Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
4. S09E04Nine Magic FingersOctober 10, 2011 5.5Trying to rebound from his recent separation, Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right, while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
5. S09E05A Giant Cat Holding a ChurroOctober 17, 2011 5.6Alan struggles to come to terms with Lyndsey's risque movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party at the house.
6. S09E06The Squat and the HoverOctober 24, 2011 5.4Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
7. S09E07Those Fancy Japanese ToiletsOctober 31, 2011 5.6Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his wi
8. S09E08Thank You for the IntercourseNovember 7, 2011 5.7When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.
9. S09E09Frodo's HeadshotsNovember 14, 2011 6.1Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
10. S09E10Season's bestA Fishbowl Full of Glass EyesNovember 21, 2011 6.2Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.
11. S09E11What a Lovely Landing StripDecember 5, 2011 6.0Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.
12. S09E12One False Move, Zimbabwe!December 12, 2011 5.4Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral
13. S09E13Slowly and in a Circular FashionJanuary 2, 2012 5.8When Walden's ex-wife and his mother try to take control of his company, he tries to enlist Alan as an ally.
14. S09E14A Possum on ChemoJanuary 16, 2012 5.5Zoey tries to coerce Walden into cutting his hair and shaving. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey rekindle their relationship.
15. S09E15The Duchess of Dull-in-SackFebruary 6, 2012 5.4Walden tries to loosen up Zoey by sharing a couple of Berta's special brownies.
16. S09E16Sips, Sonnets and SodomyFebruary 13, 2012 6.2Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.
17. S09E17Not in My Mouth!February 20, 2012 5.6Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.
18. S09E18The War Against GingivitisFebruary 27, 2012 5.6Things get tense in the Malibu house when Walden's estranged ex-business partner shows up looking to bury the hatchet.
19. S09E19Palmdale, EchMarch 19, 2012 5.3Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers to one another. Meanwhile, Jake and Eldridge enlist Walden to drive them to a high school party.
20. S09E20Grandma's PieApril 9, 2012 6.1Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey try to come to terms with their
21. S09E21Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'April 16, 2012 5.8Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he move
22. S09E22Why We Gave Up WomenApril 30, 2012 5.8After Alan suffers a minor heart attack, Charlie's ghost pays a visit to his hospital bedside.
23. S09E23The Straw in My Donut HoleMay 7, 2012 5.8Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn't so sure it's deserved.
24. S09E24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!May 14, 2012 5.9Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.

Season 9 ranked & reviewed

1. S10E01I Changed My Mind About the MilkSeptember 27, 2012 5.5Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.
2. S10E02A Big Bag of DogOctober 4, 2012 6.2Following his break-up with Zoey, Walden has a breakdown.
3. S10E03Four Balls, Two Bats and One MittOctober 11, 2012 6.1Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom.
4. S10E04You Do Know What the Lollipop's ForOctober 18, 2012 5.8Walden starts to feel his age when a friend's daughter comes to town.
5. S10E05That's Not What They Call It in AmsterdamOctober 25, 2012 6.1Despite Alan's warnings, Walden starts dating Rose.
6. S10E06Ferrets, Attack!November 1, 2012 6.3Walden has to choose between Rose and Zoey.
7. S10E07Avoid the Chinese MustardNovember 8, 2012 5.8Tired of the complications of a traditional relationship, Walden hires an actress to play the part of his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Jake and Mi
8. S10E08Something My Gynecologist SaidNovember 15, 2012 6.1Alan is hesitant to make a serious commitment to Lyndsey but gets inspiration from an unlikely source. Meanwhile, Walden enjoys being a boy-
9. S10E09I Scream When I PeeNovember 29, 2012 6.6Alan's smokin' hot, famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants him back. Meanwhile, Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, so Walden helps ma
10. S10E10One Nut JohnsonDecember 6, 2012 6.7Alan helps Walden create a new identity in order to find a woman who isn't just after his money.
11. S10E11Season's bestGive Santa a Tail-HoleDecember 13, 2012 6.8Walden juggles having two identities - rich man and poor man - and Alan finds himself alone at Christmas.
12. S10E12Welcome to AlancrestJanuary 3, 2013 5.9Using Walden's money, Alan invests in Kate's fashion line. Meanwhile, leading a double life starts to take its toll on Walden.
13. S10E13Grab a Feather and Get in LineJanuary 10, 2013 6.2Walden and Alan go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can tell her the truth about his identity.
14. S10E14Run, Steven Staven! Run!January 31, 2013 6.2Alan and Lyndsey's relationship is strained when he won't give her a key to the beach house. Meanwhile, Walden, Alan, Billy and Herb commise
15. S10E15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug ItFebruary 7, 2013 6.2Alan has concerns when Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit. Meanwhile, Walden tries to keep a secret from Alan.
16. S10E16Advantage: Fat, Flying BabyFebruary 14, 2013 6.3Walden, depressed about being single on Valentine's Day, tries to convince Kate to give him another chance. Meanwhile, Alan's Valentine's Da
17. S10E17Throgwarten Middle School MysteriesFebruary 21, 2013 6.2When Walden runs into his ex-wife at a high-end singles mixer and they talk about getting back together, Alan worries that she's not good fo
18. S10E18The 9:04 from PembertonMarch 7, 2013 5.5Following a fight with Walden, Alan moves in with Herb.
19. S10E19Big Episode. Someone Stole a SpoonMarch 14, 2013 6.1Walden and Alan try to cheer up a lonely Herb, but end up partying a little too hard.
20. S10E20Bazinga! That's from a TV ShowApril 4, 2013 6.1When Jake cheats on his girlfriend with her 18-year-old daughter, Alan and Walden get caught in the crossfire.
21. S10E21Another Night with Neil DiamondApril 25, 2013 5.9Alan has trouble coping when Lyndsey dumps him and Walden must find a way to help him get back on his feet.
22. S10E22My Bodacious VidaliaMay 2, 2013 5.6When Walden encourages a depressed Alan to update his look and start dating again, Alan faces a moral dilemma when he attracts a married wom
23. S10E23Cows, Prepare to Be TippedMay 9, 2013 6.2Walden dates a hot 22-year-old woman, but finds himself more attracted to her worldly grandmother. Meanwhile, Alan and Jake go on a father-s

Season 10 ranked & reviewed

1. S11E01NangnangnangnangSeptember 26, 2013 5.7Alan is shocked when Charlie's 25-year-old daughter shows up at Walden's beach house to connect with what's left of her family, and who happ
2. S11E02I Think I Banged Lucille BallOctober 3, 2013 5.9When Walden feels cramped in his own house, Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her boyfriend, Marty. Meanwhile, Alan becomes Lyndsey's "other ma
3. S11E03This Unblessed BiscuitOctober 10, 2013 5.8Walden and Alan think it may be time for Berta to retire when she injures her back at work.
4. S11E04Clank, Clank, Drunken SkankOctober 17, 2013 5.6Walden starts partying with Jenny and her hot friends. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair is jeopardized.
5. S11E05Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003October 24, 2013 5.8Alan befriends Lyndsey's boyfriend in an effort to find out what he has that Alan doesn't. Meanwhile, Walden helps Jenny be more proactive i
6. S11E06Season's bestJustice in Star-Spangled Hot PantsNovember 7, 2013 6.1When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invi
7. S11E07Some Kind of Lesbian ZombieNovember 14, 2013 6.0Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening.
8. S11E08Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.November 21, 2013 5.7Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair puts Walden in danger, forcing him to accept Rose's help.
9. S11E09Numero Uno Accidente LawyerDecember 5, 2013 5.9Walden's date with an accident-prone model goes longer than expected. Meanwhile, Alan dates a woman who shares some surprising personal info
10. S11E10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!December 12, 2013 5.6Walden helps Jenny get a second date with a one-night stand and Alan's transgender girlfriend's ex-wife hits on him. Meanwhile, in the spiri
11. S11E11Tazed in the Lady NutsJanuary 2, 2014 6.1Walden joins his beautiful former employee on a brilliant new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk lo
12. S11E12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.January 9, 2014 6.1Alan lets Lyndsey's boyfriend Larry set him up on a date. Meanwhile, Walden offers to help Nicole with her software project so she'll have t
13. S11E13Bite Me, Supreme CourtJanuary 30, 2014 5.8After Marty proposes to Evelyn, Walden and Alan throw him a bachelor party with several of his old friends.
14. S11E14Three Fingers of Crème de MentheFebruary 6, 2014 5.5Alan learns that Lyndsey broke up with Larry and didn't tell him. Meanwhile, Walden sets out to prove that he's a man's man.
15. S11E15Cab Fare and a Bottle of PenicillinFebruary 27, 2014 5.7Alan gives Lyndsey the option of choosing between him and Larry. Meanwhile, Jenny fears she and Brooke are growing apart.
16. S11E16How to Get Rid of Alan HarperMarch 6, 2014 6.1"How To Get Rid of Alan Harper"- Walden suspects his new girlfriend is cheating on him. Meanwhile, Alan gets even more intertwined in Lyndse
17. S11E17Welcome Home, JakeMarch 13, 2014 6.1Lyndsey discovers that Alan is sleeping with Larry's sister, Gretchen. Meanwhile, Walden struggles with telling Barry to find his own place.
18. S11E18West Side StoryApril 3, 2014 5.8Walden gets an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's boutique opening. Meanwhile, Gretchen wants to spend more time at Alan's house.
19. S11E19Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding ShangApril 10, 2014 5.9Walden reconnects with Kate and is sure she's "The One" - that is, until he meets Vivian and becomes convinced she's "The One." Meanwhile, A
20. S11E20Lotta Delis in Little ArmeniaApril 24, 2014 6.0Alan stumbles upon an opportunity to make money. Meanwhile, Walden has to address his co-dependency issues.
21. S11E21Dial 1-900-Mix-a-LotMay 1, 2014 5.9Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to se
22. S11E22Oh WALD-E, Good Times AheadMay 8, 2014 6.0Alan confesses his true identity to Larry and has to face the consequences.

Season 11 ranked & reviewed

1. S12E01The Ol' Mexican SpinachOctober 30, 2014 4.9Following a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides to reprioritize his life with Alan's help.
2. S12E02A Chic Bar in IbizaNovember 6, 2014 4.1When Walden asks Alan to sign a pre-nup, Alan gets offended and has second thoughts about getting married.
3. S12E03Glamping in a YurtNovember 13, 2014 4.8Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Meanwhile, Lyndsey re
4. S12E04Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-EightNovember 20, 2014 5.0Walden and Alan meet a birth mother who's considering them to adopt her baby.
5. S12E05Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.November 27, 2014 4.7Walden decides to foster a 6-year-old boy, but begins to doubt himself when they don't bond like he expected.
6. S12E06Alan Shot a Little GirlDecember 4, 2014 5.0When Alan realizes Louis thinks he's cool, he starts breaking Walden's rules in order to stay that way.
7. S12E07Sex with an Animated Ed AsnerDecember 11, 2014 4.5Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids' gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Meanwhile, Alan
8. S12E08Family, Bublé, Deep-fried TurkeyDecember 18, 2014 5.2Walden and Alan are determined to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.
9. S12E09Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, LyndseyJanuary 8, 2015 5.2Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can
10. S12E10Here I Come, Pants!January 15, 2015 5.0Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.
11. S12E11For Whom the Booty CallsJanuary 22, 2015 5.1Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.
12. S12E12A Beer-Battered Rip-OffJanuary 29, 2015 4.6When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis' adoption.
13. S12E13Boompa Loved His HookersFebruary 5, 2015 5.2Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move
14. S12E14Don't Give a Monkey a GunFebruary 12, 2015 4.8After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it
15. S12E15Of Course He's Dead - Part OneFebruary 19, 2015 5.4Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
16. S12E16Season's bestOf Course He's Dead - Part TwoFebruary 19, 2015 5.6The series finale recalls the life—and presumed death—of Charlie Harper.

Season 12 ranked & reviewed