Two and a Half Men

1. S01E01PilotSeptember 22, 2003 6.7Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.
2. S01E02Big Flappy BastardsSeptember 29, 2003 7.2Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith
3. S01E03Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of HellOctober 6, 2003 7.3Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.
4. S01E04If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a NapOctober 13, 2003 7.5Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Mea
5. S01E05The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a HumpOctober 20, 2003 7.3Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.
6. S01E06Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?October 27, 2003 6.8The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.
7. S01E07Season's bestIf They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually FakeNovember 3, 2003 7.8Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . The
8. S01E08Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-FulNovember 10, 2003 7.2Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.
9. S01E09Phase One, CompleteNovember 17, 2003 6.8Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends J
10. S01E10Merry ThanksgivingNovember 24, 2003 7.1Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him
11. S01E11Alan Harper, Frontier ChiropractorDecember 15, 2003 6.9When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.
12. S01E12Camel Filters and PheromonesJanuary 5, 2004 7.0Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.
13. S01E13Sarah Like Puny AlanJanuary 12, 2004 6.7Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date fo
14. S01E14I Can't Afford HyenasFebruary 2, 2004 6.8Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must
15. S01E15Round One to the Hot Crazy ChickFebruary 9, 2004 6.9Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.
16. S01E16That Was Saliva, AlanFebruary 16, 2004 7.0Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.
17. S01E17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the HatsFebruary 23, 2004 7.3Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his
18. S01E18An Old Flame with a New WickMarch 1, 2004 7.1Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.
19. S01E19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember YouMarch 22, 2004 7.2Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has
20. S01E20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the DarkApril 19, 2004 6.9Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.
21. S01E21No Sniffing, No WowingMay 3, 2004 6.9Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dum
22. S01E22My Doctor Has a Cow PuppetMay 10, 2004 6.7When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up
23. S01E23Just Like BuffaloMay 17, 2004 7.4When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with h
24. S01E24Can You Feel My Finger?May 24, 2004 7.0Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

Season 1 ranked & reviewed

1. S02E01Back Off, Mary PoppinsSeptember 20, 2004 7.5Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.
2. S02E02Enjoy Those Garlic BallsSeptember 27, 2004 7.1Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician, and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.
3. S02E03A Bag Full of JaweaOctober 4, 2004 7.2Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension for giving his teacher (Missi Pyle) the finger by romancing her, but his several attempts
4. S02E04Go Get Mommy's BraOctober 11, 2004 7.4Jake is very impressed and can't stop talking about his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, which annoys Alan. While Evelyn borrows Charlie
5. S02E05Bad News from the Clinic?October 18, 2004 6.6Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who's better at playing hard to get than he is.
6. S02E06The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal VigilanceOctober 25, 2004 7.3Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of
7. S02E07A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in FontanaNovember 8, 2004 6.5Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.
8. S02E08Frankenstein and the Horny VillagersNovember 15, 2004 6.8Alan meets a woman named Nancy at a grocery store, who fulfills every single one of his desires, forcing Charlie to take care of Jake. After
9. S02E09Yes, MonsignorNovember 22, 2004 6.9When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He f
10. S02E10The Salmon Under My SweaterNovember 29, 2004 6.8Charlie tries to get Jake's approval on a theme song that he is hired to write for a television show, which is based on a comic book that Ja
11. S02E11Last Chance to See Those TattoosDecember 13, 2004 7.2After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets
12. S02E12A Lungful of AlanJanuary 3, 2005 7.3Alan is jealous of Charlie when an old classmate, who's now a beautiful woman, seems to be more interested in Charlie.
13. S02E13Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)January 17, 2005 7.4After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damaged and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charli
14. S02E14Those Big Pink Things with CoconutJanuary 31, 2005 6.8The brothers throw out their mother, after she insults the way Alan is raising Jake. When Alan and Charlie ignore her phone calls, to get th
15. S02E15Smell the Umbrella StandFebruary 7, 2005 7.3Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it, Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.
16. S02E16Season's bestCan You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?February 14, 2005 7.8When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets
17. S02E17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!February 21, 2005 7.5After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the Hospital. While there Charlie can't stop hitting on the doctor who is examining
18. S02E18It Was 'Mame', MomMarch 7, 2005 6.6Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at
19. S02E19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping NoiseMarch 21, 2005 7.2After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows
20. S02E20I Always Wanted a Shaved MonkeyApril 18, 2005 7.3Rose tries to help the brothers sort out their feelings, when Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
21. S02E21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry OnMay 2, 2005 7.2Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry has died. They all attend the funeral, including Jake who is excited at the op
22. S02E22That Old Hose Bag Is My MotherMay 9, 2005 6.9Evelyn buys Alan a new Sports car causing Charlie to claim that his brother has sold his soul to the Devil. The next day, Evelyn extracts pa
23. S02E23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, SquabMay 16, 2005 7.4Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are
24. S02E24Does This Smell Funny to You?May 23, 2005 6.3Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

Season 2 ranked & reviewed

1. S03E01Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic GymnastsSeptember 19, 2005 7.3After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.
2. S03E02Principal Gallagher's Lesbian LoverSeptember 26, 2005 6.6Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is aske
3. S03E03Carpet Burns and a Bite MarkOctober 3, 2005 7.2Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even bri
4. S03E04Your Dismissive Attitude Toward BoobsOctober 10, 2005 7.2Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them
5. S03E05We Called It Mr. PinkyOctober 17, 2005 7.2Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice
6. S03E06Hi, Mr. Horned OneOctober 24, 2005 7.5Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
7. S03E07Sleep Tight, Puddin' PopNovember 7, 2005 7.0Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him a
8. S03E08That Voodoo That I Do DoNovember 14, 2005 7.5Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.
9. S03E09Madame and Her Special FriendNovember 21, 2005 6.7One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.
10. S03E10Something Salted and TwistedNovember 28, 2005 6.9Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.
11. S03E11Santa's Village of the DamnedDecember 19, 2005 7.6Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.
12. S03E12That Special TugJanuary 9, 2006 7.2Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.
13. S03E13Humiliation Is a Visual MediumJanuary 23, 2006 7.2Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.
14. S03E14Love Isn't Blind, It's RetardedFebruary 6, 2006 7.8Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girl
15. S03E15My Tongue Is MeatFebruary 27, 2006 7.5Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia find
16. S03E16Ergo, the Booty CallMarch 6, 2006 7.8Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to
17. S03E17The Unfortunate Little SchnauzerMarch 13, 2006 7.1Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tri
18. S03E18The Spit-Covered CobblerMarch 20, 2006 7.2Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. M
19. S03E19Golly Moses, She's a MuffinApril 10, 2006 7.6Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi ea
20. S03E20Season's bestAlways a Bridesmaid, Never a BurroApril 24, 2006 7.9Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.
21. S03E21And the Plot MoistensMay 1, 2006 7.2Jake's teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a
22. S03E22Just Once with Aunt SophieMay 8, 2006 7.4A girl from Jake's school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and
23. S03E23Arguments for the QuickieMay 15, 2006 7.2Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Al
24. S03E24That Pistol-Packin' HermaphroditeMay 22, 2006 7.4Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually

Season 3 ranked & reviewed

1. S04E01Working for CaligulaSeptember 18, 2006 6.1Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle after Alan moves out of the house. Alan suffers a breakdown after his divorce from Kandi.
2. S04E02Who Is This Vod Kanockers?September 25, 2006 7.2Charlie finally tells Alan that he didn't marry Mia because she wanted Alan and Jake to move out of the house, but Alan finds a hole in his
3. S04E03The Sea Is a Harsh MistressOctober 2, 2006 7.1Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late fath
4. S04E04A Pot-Smokin' MonkeyOctober 9, 2006 7.2Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.
5. S04E05A Live Woman of Proven FertilityOctober 16, 2006 7.3Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it loo
6. S04E06Season's bestApologies for the FrivolityOctober 23, 2006 7.6Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother's.
7. S04E07Repeated Blows to His Unformed HeadNovember 6, 2006 7.2Berta's daughter, Naomi is pregnant and Berta drags Charlie with her when she confronts the baby's father. Alan reveals a secret fetish.
8. S04E08Release the DogsNovember 13, 2006 7.3Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charli
9. S04E09Corey's Been Dead for an HourNovember 20, 2006 7.1Charlie gets tired of Alan's mooching and reaches the breaking point during the brothers' double date. Jake is left home alone for the first
10. S04E10Kissing Abe LincolnNovember 27, 2006 7.2Worrying Charlie may get rid of one of them, Berta and Lydia fight over him. Meanwhile, Kandi does everything she can to stop Alan from sell
11. S04E11Walnuts and DemerolDecember 11, 2006 7.6Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great
12. S04E12Castrating Sheep in MontanaJanuary 8, 2007 6.5Berta discovers that Alan has been dating her daughter Naomi.
13. S04E13Don't Worry, Speed RacerJanuary 22, 2007 6.7Jake shares that he has heard his mother having sex with her fiancée, Herb; this revelation brings up a repressed memory for Charlie. This l
14. S04E14That's Summer Sausage, Not SalamiFebruary 5, 2007 6.8Charlie sets Alan up with their new neighbour. But he gets jealous when the two form a bond.
15. S04E15My Damn StalkerFebruary 12, 2007 6.7Rose is moving to London, and Charlie is surprised by his reaction to the news. Alan lies to a woman he met online.
16. S04E16Young People Have Phlegm TooFebruary 19, 2007 7.2Charlie's young, hot girlfriend takes him to a new club. She invites Alan to meet one of her friends but the men are shocked to learn that t
17. S04E17I Merely Slept with a CommieFebruary 26, 2007 5.6After Evelyn tells Alan and Charlie how she feels about there being no mourners at her friend's funeral, the boys share their feelings that
18. S04E18It Never Rains in HootervilleMarch 19, 2007 6.7Alan tries to bond with Jake when he realizes that his childhood is almost over. Kandi pursues a career in acting.
19. S04E19Smooth as a Ken DollApril 9, 2007 7.2Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.
20. S04E20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a LotApril 16, 2007 7.2Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.
21. S04E21Tucked, Taped and GorgeousApril 23, 2007 6.2Alan and Charlie re-examine their sexual identities after Alan befriends Greg, a gay man. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter.
22. S04E22Mr. McGlue's FeedbagApril 30, 2007 7.2Jake gets lucky after Charlie takes him to the racetrack. Meanwhile, Alan has a difficult time at the DMV.
23. S04E23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'May 7, 2007 7.4Charlie is shocked when the handyman working on his house beats him out for Chloe's affections. Alan has no sympathy for Charlie's distress.
24. S04E24Prostitutes and GelatoMay 14, 2007 6.5Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'dadd

Season 4 ranked & reviewed

1. S05E01Large Birds, Spiders and MomSeptember 24, 2007 7.7Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he graduates to Junior High. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in
2. S05E02Media Room Slash DungeonOctober 1, 2007 6.3Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.
3. S05E03Dum Diddy Dum Diddy DooOctober 8, 2007 7.2Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. The two double date and their waitress hap
4. S05E04City of Great RacksOctober 15, 2007 7.8Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhe
5. S05E05Putting Swim Fins on a CatOctober 22, 2007 7.6Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.
6. S05E06Help Daddy Find His ToenailOctober 29, 2007 7.3Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.
7. S05E07The Leather Gear Is in the Guest RoomNovember 5, 2007 7.4After Alan and Charlie have a fight about Alan's role in the house. Alan packs Jake up and moves in with his mother.
8. S05E08Season's bestIs There a Mrs. Waffles?November 12, 2007 8.0Charlie writes a children's song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new
9. S05E09Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar LidsNovember 19, 2007 7.8Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter.
10. S05E10Kinda Like NecrophiliaNovember 26, 2007 7.8Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in hig
11. S05E11Meander to Your DanderMarch 17, 2008 7.9When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.
12. S05E12A Little Clammy and None Too FreshMarch 24, 2008 7.6Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.
13. S05E13The Soil Is MoistMarch 31, 2008 7.5Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.
14. S05E14Winky-Dink TimeApril 14, 2008 7.5Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker.
15. S05E15Rough Night in Hump JunctionApril 21, 2008 7.9Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.
16. S05E16Look at Me Mommy, I'm PrettyApril 28, 2008 7.8Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.
17. S05E17Fish in a DrawerMay 5, 2008 7.2CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.
18. S05E18If My Hole Could TalkMay 12, 2008 7.2Charlie's attracted to an older self-help author. Alan and Jake clash over a project for school.
19. S05E19Waiting for the Right SnapperMay 19, 2008 7.5When Charlie meets Angie's soon to be daughter-in-law, he realizes it's not for the first time.

Season 5 ranked & reviewed

1. S06E01Taterhead Is Our Love ChildSeptember 22, 2008 7.5In the 6th season opener, Charlie runs into an ex-girlfriend and a child who bears a striking resemblance to Charlie.
2. S06E02Pie Hole, HerbSeptember 29, 2008 7.7Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charl
3. S06E03Damn You, Eggs BenedictOctober 6, 2008 6.6Alan, Jake, and Charlie all decide to try new things: Alan is dating more than one woman, Charlie learns to cook, and Jake experiments with
4. S06E04The Flavin' and the Mavin'October 13, 2008 7.3Alan is sure that things will turn bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist.
5. S06E05A Jock Strap in HellOctober 20, 2008 6.5Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religiou
6. S06E06It's Always Nazi WeekNovember 3, 2008 7.4When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking; Jake is sent to stay with a less-than-willing Charlie for three months during Judit
7. S06E07Best H.O. Money Can BuyNovember 10, 2008 6.7Alan tries to escape Judith's grasp as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl to pick up women. They later end up going back to Herb's hotel room
8. S06E08Pinocchio's MouthNovember 17, 2008 7.4Charlie's new girlfriend Chelsea asks him to spend the night at her place, which puts Charlie well outside of his comfort zone, while Alan t
9. S06E09Season's bestThe Mooch at the BooNovember 24, 2008 8.0Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a
10. S06E10He Smelled the Ham, He Got ExcitedDecember 8, 2008 7.5Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, and Alan becomes listless because he has no compelling reason to work anymore, while Jake
11. S06E11The Devil's LubeDecember 15, 2008 7.4Charlie finds himself re-examining his wild ways when an old friend dies and begins to feel that his time on Earth may be drawing to a close
12. S06E12Thank God for ScoliosisJanuary 12, 2009 7.8Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
13. S06E13I Think You Offended DonJanuary 19, 2009 7.6Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced he is the father.
14. S06E14David Copperfield Slipped Me a RoofieFebruary 2, 2009 7.4Melissa doesn't think Alan's family appreciates him, so she asks him to move in with her and her mom.
15. S06E15I'd Like to Start with the CatFebruary 9, 2009 7.5Charlie ends up in couples counseling.
16. S06E16She'll Still Be Dead at HalftimeMarch 2, 2009 7.8Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
17. S06E17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?March 9, 2009 7.5Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her
18. S06E18My Son's Enormous HeadMarch 16, 2009 7.5Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.
19. S06E19The Two Finger RuleMarch 30, 2009 7.8After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking wit
20. S06E20Hello, I Am Alan CousteauApril 13, 2009 7.6Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.
21. S06E21Above Exalted CyclopsApril 27, 2009 7.7Chelsea is asked by Alan to arrange a blind date between he and her new friend, unaware that her new friend is Rose.
22. S06E22Sir Lancelot's Litter BoxMay 4, 2009 7.3Charlie mourns the loss of his bachelor pad as he reluctantly allows Chelsea to move in. Meanwhile, Alan discovers there is no longer much s
23. S06E23Good Morning Mrs. ButterworthMay 11, 2009 7.0Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.
24. S06E24Baseball Was Better with SteroidsMay 18, 2009 7.8Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charl

Season 6 ranked & reviewed

1. S07E01818-JKLPUZOSeptember 21, 2009 7.5Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.
2. S07E02Whipped Unto the Third GenerationSeptember 28, 2009 7.4When Chelsea convinces Charlie to let Alan's new girlfriend, Melissa, move in, the girls end up taking over Charlie's house.
3. S07E03Mmm, Fish. Yum.October 5, 2009 7.3Alan ends up playing maid to Judith's new baby as well as his former mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Jake uses an incriminating photo to blackmail
4. S07E04Laxative Tester, Horse InseminatorOctober 12, 2009 7.3Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.
5. S07E05For the Sake of the ChildOctober 19, 2009 7.2Jake stops at nothing to get away from Charlie and Alan, after they embarrass him out in public.
6. S07E06Season's bestGive Me Your ThumbNovember 2, 2009 7.6Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Ev
7. S07E07Untainted by FilthNovember 9, 2009 7.5Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.
8. S07E08Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.November 16, 2009 6.7While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.
9. S07E09Captain Terry's Spray-On HairNovember 23, 2009 7.5While Alan struggles to cure his baldness, Charlie deals with the problem that he can't satisfy Chelsea.
10. S07E10That's Why They Call It "Ball Room"December 7, 2009 6.5Chelsea wants Charlie to take dancing lessons for the wedding, when Charlie uncovers the truth that Chelsea has been lying about her finance
11. S07E11Warning, It's DirtyDecember 14, 2009 7.5Jake is taught the art of infidelity by Charlie, while Celeste is away for Christmas.
12. S07E12Fart Jokes, Pie and CelesteJanuary 11, 2010 7.4Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Alan and Herb hope to keep Judith from finding out they've become friends.
13. S07E13Yay, No Polyps!January 18, 2010 6.4Charlie opts to have a colonoscopy in order to avoid going on a trip with Chelsea to see her parents. However, when he returns home, he find
14. S07E14Crude and Uncalled ForFebruary 1, 2010 7.2Charlie suspects Chelsea likes the lawyer representing Alan after his arrest for a bar fight.
15. S07E15Aye, Aye, Captain DoucheFebruary 8, 2010 6.1Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.
16. S07E16Tinkle Like a PrincessMarch 1, 2010 6.1Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.
17. S07E17I Found Your MoustacheMarch 8, 2010 5.9Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
18. S07E18Ixnay on the Oggie DayMarch 22, 2010 6.6Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.
19. S07E19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His GraveApril 12, 2010 6.5Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother.
20. S07E20I Called Him MagooMay 10, 2010 6.3Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend expe
21. S07E21Gumby with a PokeyMay 17, 2010 7.6Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.
22. S07E22This Is Not Gonna End WellMay 24, 2010 6.2Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around fo

Season 7 ranked & reviewed

1. S08E01Season's bestThree Girls and a Guy Named BudSeptember 20, 2010 7.8When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's ti
2. S08E02A Bottle of Wine and a JackhammerSeptember 27, 2010 7.5Charlie is willing to do anything for Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her.
3. S08E03A Pudding-Filled CactusOctober 4, 2010 6.6After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
4. S08E04Hookers, Hookers, HookersOctober 11, 2010 6.4Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
5. S08E05The Immortal Mr. Billy JoelOctober 18, 2010 7.5Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
6. S08E06Twanging Your Magic ClangerOctober 25, 2010 6.8Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
7. S08E07The Crazy Bitch GazetteNovember 1, 2010 7.5Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
8. S08E08Springtime on a StickNovember 8, 2010 7.4Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell the pharmacist.
9. S08E09A Good Time in Central AfricaNovember 15, 2010 7.6When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husban
10. S08E10Ow, Ow, Don't StopNovember 22, 2010 6.7When Charlie's ex-girlfriend Courtney is released from prison, he treats her to the good life despite her having been in prison for conning
11. S08E11Dead from the Waist DownDecember 6, 2010 7.2Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present.
12. S08E12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's DeadDecember 13, 2010 6.8Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
13. S08E13Skunk, Dog Crap and KetchupJanuary 3, 2011 7.2Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
14. S08E14Lookin' for Japanese SubsJanuary 17, 2011 6.1Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts
15. S08E15Three Hookers and a Philly CheesesteakFebruary 7, 2011 7.6While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.
16. S08E16That Darn PriestFebruary 14, 2011 7.1Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose.

Season 8 ranked & reviewed

1. S09E01Nice to Meet You, Walden SchmidtSeptember 19, 2011 4.8Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
2. S09E02People Who Love PeepholesSeptember 26, 2011 5.2Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.
3. S09E03Big Girls Don't Throw FoodOctober 3, 2011 5.1Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
4. S09E04Nine Magic FingersOctober 10, 2011 4.4Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
5. S09E05A Giant Cat Holding a ChurroOctober 17, 2011 5.3Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.
6. S09E06The Squat and HoverOctober 24, 2011 5.0Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
7. S09E07Those Fancy Japanese ToiletsOctober 31, 2011 5.3Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his wi
8. S09E08Thank You for the IntercourseNovember 7, 2011 5.8When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.
9. S09E09Season's bestFrodo's HeadshotsNovember 14, 2011 6.0Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
10. S09E10A Fishbowl Full of Glass EyesNovember 21, 2011 5.3Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.
11. S09E11What a Lovely Landing StripDecember 5, 2011 5.5Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.
12. S09E12One False Move, Zimbabwe!December 12, 2011 5.0Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral
13. S09E13Slowly and in a Circular FashionJanuary 2, 2012 5.2Walden's ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.
14. S09E14A Possum on ChemoJanuary 16, 2012 5.5Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
15. S09E15The Duchess of Dull-in-SackFebruary 6, 2012 5.3Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
16. S09E16Sips, Sonnets and SodomyFebruary 13, 2012 5.7Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.
17. S09E17Not in My Mouth!February 20, 2012 4.2Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.
18. S09E18The War Against GingivitisFebruary 27, 2012 4.9Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
19. S09E19Palmdale, EchMarch 19, 2012 4.8Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
20. S09E20Grandma's PieApril 9, 2012 4.6Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.
21. S09E21Mr. Hose Says "Yes"April 16, 2012 5.7Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he move
22. S09E22Why We Gave Up WomenApril 30, 2012 6.0Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.
23. S09E23The Straw in My Donut HoleMay 7, 2012 5.2Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn't so sure it's deserved.
24. S09E24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!May 14, 2012 5.7Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.

Season 9 ranked & reviewed

1. S10E01I Changed My Mind About the MilkSeptember 27, 2012 4.9Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.
2. S10E02A Big Bag of DogOctober 4, 2012 5.7Zoey and Walden break up, causing Walden to experience a breakdown.
3. S10E03Four Balls, Two Bats and One MittOctober 11, 2012 5.4Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom.
4. S10E04You Do Know What the Lollipop's ForOctober 18, 2012 6.1Walden starts to feel his age when a friend's daughter comes to town.
5. S10E05That's Not What They Call It in AmsterdamOctober 25, 2012 5.9Despite Alan's warnings, Walden starts dating Rose.
6. S10E06Ferrets, Attack!November 1, 2012 5.6Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.
7. S10E07Avoid the Chinese MustardNovember 8, 2012 5.3When Walden gets tired of the complications that come with a traditional relationship, he hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans
8. S10E08Something My Gynecologist SaidNovember 15, 2012 5.8Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy ol
9. S10E09I Scream When I PeeNovember 29, 2012 5.6Alans famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day speci
10. S10E10Season's bestOne Nut JohnsonDecember 6, 2012 6.3Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
11. S10E11Give Santa a Tail-HoleDecember 13, 2012 6.0Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
12. S10E12Welcome to AlancrestJanuary 3, 2013 5.9Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
13. S10E13Grab a Feather and Get in LineJanuary 10, 2013 4.6Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
14. S10E14Run, Steven Staven! Run!January 31, 2013 6.0Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate abo
15. S10E15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug ItFebruary 7, 2013 6.1When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
16. S10E16Advantage: Fat, Flying BabyFebruary 14, 2013 5.8Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
17. S10E17Throgwarten Middle School MysteriesFebruary 21, 2013 6.1When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
18. S10E18The 9:04 from PembertonMarch 7, 2013 5.7After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
19. S10E19Big Episode. Someone Stole a SpoonMarch 14, 2013 5.4Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
20. S10E20Bazinga! That's from a TV ShowApril 4, 2013 5.2Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
21. S10E21Another Night with Neil DiamondApril 25, 2013 4.9Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
22. S10E22My Bodacious VidaliaMay 2, 2013 5.8With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
23. S10E23Cows, Prepare to Be TippedMay 9, 2013 5.6Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go

Season 10 ranked & reviewed

1. S11E01NangnangnangnangSeptember 26, 2013 5.8Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.
2. S11E02I Think I Banged Lucille BallOctober 3, 2013 5.0Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty.
3. S11E03This Unblessed BiscuitOctober 10, 2013 5.8Walden and Alan think it may be time for Berta to retire when she injures her back at work. When they suggest her retiring, she grows offend
4. S11E04Clank, Clank, Drunken SkankOctober 17, 2013 5.3Alan and Lyndsey's illicit relationship becomes jeopardized when one of Lyndsey's man-hunting friends, Stephanie (Jennifer Aspen), asks if t
5. S11E05Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003October 24, 2013 5.3Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.
6. S11E06Justice in Star-Spangled Hot PantsNovember 7, 2013 5.3When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invi
7. S11E07Some Kind of Lesbian ZombieNovember 14, 2013 6.1Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening.
8. S11E08Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.November 21, 2013 5.5Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair puts Walden in danger, forcing him to accept Rose's help.
9. S11E09Numero Uno Accidente LawyerDecember 5, 2013 5.1Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information about herself to him.
10. S11E10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!December 12, 2013 5.1Jake sends Alan a Japanese delicacy; the house comes alive with questionable Christmas lyrics.
11. S11E11Tazed in the Lady NutsJanuary 2, 2014 5.2Walden joins his beautiful former employee on a brilliant new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk lo
12. S11E12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.January 9, 2014 5.8Lyndsey's boyfriend sets Alan up on a date; Walden wants to help Nicole with her project so she will have time to date him.
13. S11E13Bite Me, Supreme CourtJanuary 30, 2014 4.8Marty Pepper proposes to Evelyn; Alan and Walden plan a bachelor party for Marty.
14. S11E14Three Fingers of Crème de MentheFebruary 6, 2014 4.7Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.
15. S11E15Cab Fare and a Bottle of PenicillinFebruary 27, 2014 5.8Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.
16. S11E16How to Get Rid of Alan HarperMarch 6, 2014 6.3Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen.
17. S11E17Welcome Home, JakeMarch 13, 2014 5.2Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.
18. S11E18West Side StoryApril 3, 2014 5.2Walden gets an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's boutique opening. Meanwhile, Gretchen wants to spend more time at Alan's house.
19. S11E19Season's bestLan Mao Shi Zai Wuding ShangApril 10, 2014 6.5After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian.
20. S11E20Lotta Delis in Little ArmeniaApril 24, 2014 5.9Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.
21. S11E21Dial 1-900-Mix-A-LotMay 1, 2014 5.0Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to se
22. S11E22Oh, WALD-E, Good Times AheadMay 8, 2014 5.4Alan must face the consequences after revealing his identity to Larry.

Season 11 ranked & reviewed

1. S12E01Season's bestThe Ol' Mexican SpinachOctober 30, 2014 5.7After a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides he needs to change his life.
2. S12E02A Chic Bar in IbizaNovember 6, 2014 4.9Alan has second thoughts about getting married after he's asked to sign a pre-nup.
3. S12E03Glamping in a YurtNovember 13, 2014 5.4Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after
4. S12E04Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-EightNovember 20, 2014 5.1A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.
5. S12E05Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.November 27, 2014 5.4Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.
6. S12E06Alan Shot a Little GirlDecember 4, 2014 5.5Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.
7. S12E07Sex with an Animated Ed AsnerDecember 11, 2014 5.1Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out f
8. S12E08Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried TurkeyDecember 18, 2014 5.5Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.
9. S12E09Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, LyndseyJanuary 8, 2015 5.5Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he ca
10. S12E10Here I Come, Pants!January 15, 2015 5.3Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.
11. S12E11For Whom the Booty CallsJanuary 22, 2015 5.0Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.
12. S12E12A Beer-Battered Rip-OffJanuary 29, 2015 5.3When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.
13. S12E13Boompa Loved His HookersFebruary 5, 2015 5.1Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move
14. S12E14Don't Give a Monkey a GunFebruary 12, 2015 5.4After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it
15. S12E15Of Course He's Dead (1)February 19, 2015 4.3Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
16. S12E16Of Course He's Dead (2)February 19, 2015 4.9Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

Season 12 ranked & reviewed