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Two and a Half Men· Season 1

Two and a Half Men — Season 1

All 24 episodes in airing order, with first-run dates and viewer ratings.

  1. 01

    September 22, 2003 · 23m

    Pilot6.7

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

  2. 02

    September 29, 2003 · 21m

    Big Flappy Bastards7.2

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

  3. 03

    October 6, 2003 · 21m

    Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell7.2

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

  4. 04

    October 13, 2003 · 21m

    If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap7.4

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

  5. 05

    October 20, 2003 · 19m

    The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump7.2

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

  6. 06

    October 27, 2003 · 21m

    Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?6.7

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

  7. 07

    November 3, 2003 · 21m

    If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake7.7

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

  8. 08

    November 10, 2003 · 19m

    Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful7.2

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

  9. 09

    November 17, 2003 · 21m

    Phase One, Complete6.8

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

  10. 10

    November 24, 2003 · 21m

    Merry Thanksgiving7.0

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

  11. 11

    December 15, 2003 · 20m

    Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor6.8

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

  12. 12

    January 5, 2004 · 21m

    Camel Filters and Pheromones7.0

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

  13. 13

    January 12, 2004 · 20m

    Sarah Like Puny Alan6.6

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

  14. 14

    February 2, 2004 · 21m

    I Can't Afford Hyenas6.7

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

  15. 15

    February 9, 2004 · 21m

    Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick6.8

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

  16. 16

    February 16, 2004 · 21m

    That Was Saliva, Alan6.9

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

  17. 17

    February 23, 2004 · 20m

    Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats7.2

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

  18. 18

    March 1, 2004 · 21m

    An Old Flame with a New Wick7.0

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

  19. 19

    March 22, 2004 · 19m

    I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You7.1

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

  20. 20

    April 19, 2004 · 21m

    Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark6.9

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

  21. 21

    May 3, 2004 · 21m

    No Sniffing, No Wowing6.9

    Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

  22. 22

    May 10, 2004 · 21m

    My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet6.7

    When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

  23. 23

    May 17, 2004 · 21m

    Just Like Buffalo7.3

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

  24. 24

    May 24, 2004 · 21m

    Can You Feel My Finger?6.9

    Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

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