Family Guy — Season 3

All 22 episodes in airing order, with first-run dates and viewer ratings.

1. 01

   July 11, 2001 · 30m

   The Thin White Line8.5

   Family dog Brian is "in a rut" so he tries volunteerism, then takes a job as a dope-sniffing narc for the Quahog P.D. Trouble is, he likes what he sniffs a bit too much.

2. 02

   July 18, 2001 · 30m

   Brian Does Hollywood8.1

   Brian heads to Hollywood to be screenwriter and the others follow when Stewie is chosen to be on "Kids Say the Darndest Things." Stewie doesn't exactly hit it off with host Bill Cosby but Brian does make his mark in show business, if not in the way he had intended (as a porn "auteur").

3. 03

   July 25, 2001 · 30m

   Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington7.5

   A conglomerate buys Happy Go Lucky Toys and installs Peter (voice of series creator Seth McFarlane) as president. The conglomerate also owns a tobacco company, and before long Peter is on his way to Washington to testify before Congress on the benefits of smoking.

4. 04

   August 1, 2001 · 30m

   One If by Clam, Two If by Sea8.3

   Peter and his pals catch a beer-besotted version of the "Spirit of '76" when a Brit buys the Drunken Clam and turns it into an English pub. As it happens, pub owner Nigel Pinchley (voice of series creator Seth MacFarlane) and his family move in next door to the Griffins, and Stewie (also voiced by MacFarlane) plays 'Enry 'Iggins to Nigel's Cockney-accented 3-year-old daughter.

5. 05

   August 8, 2001 · 30m

   And the Wiener is...8.4

   Meg makes the flag-girl squad at James Woods High. That's "almost a cheerleader," she boasts, but it doesn't impress the cool kids. Meanwhile, Peter (voice of series creator Seth MacFarlane) develops a severe case of Chris-envy.

6. 06

   August 15, 2001 · 30m

   Death Lives8.5

   Peter pays a price when he plays golf on his anniversary---he's struck by lightning. Adam Carolla provides the voice of the Grim Reaper, who guides Peter through his "near death experience," which leads to a "revelation" concerning Lois. Also, Peter offers the Reaper dating tips.

7. 07

   August 22, 2001 · 30m

   Lethal Weapons7.9

   With a few tae-jitsu lessons under her black belt, Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) turns herself into Quahog's answer to Xena, cutting a wide swath through the hordes of obnoxious leaf-peeping tourists from New York. But soon her violent ways begin to hit home.

8. 08

   August 29, 2001 · 30m

   The Kiss Seen Around the World7.6

   Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) gets an internship at a TV station. It's a dream job...because she thinks the station's male anchor is dreamy. But it turns nightmarish when the station's other intern, "the biggest dork on the planet," gets a crush on her. Meanwhile, a bully steals Stewie's tricycle.

9. 09

   September 5, 2001 · 30m

   Mr. Saturday Knight8.0

   Peter's boss, Mr. Weed, dies suddenly (at the Griffins' house, as it happens), and the toy factory dies with him. Not surprisingly, Peter's "career transition" is less than smooth. Then he decides to follow his 25-year-old dream and become a jouster at Quahog's Renaissance Faire.

10. 10

    September 19, 2001 · 30m

    Fish Out of Water7.6

    A jobless Peter decides on a line of work fit for "a real New England man": He becomes a fisherman. But there's something fishy about the bank that finances his boat. Meanwhile, Meg and Lois do some serious spring-break partying (Lois does, anyway) at Rhode Island's Narragansett Beach.

11. 11

    November 8, 2001 · 30m

    Emission Impossible8.7

    After Peter helps deliver Lois's sister's baby, he and Lois decide to try to have another kid, but Stewie will attempt to foil their new plan.

12. 12

    November 15, 2001 · 30m

    To Love and Die in Dixie8.4

    Waylon Jennings has a voice cameo in an episode in which the Griffins discover Southern hospitality---courtesy of the Witness Protection Program. They're in hiding because the convenience-store thief Chris fingers escapes from jail and vows revenge. But should he track Chris (voice of Seth Green) down, he'll have to contend with Sheriff Peter Griffin (series creator Seth MacFarlane).

13. 13

    November 29, 2001 · 30m

    Screwed the Pooch8.1

    Peter can't stop trying to impress Lois's father, Mr. Pewterschmidt, and Brian can't take his eye off Pewterschmidt's racing grayhound. Bob Barker has a voice cameo as himself. Series creator Seth MacFarlane provides the voices of Peter, Brian, Pewterschmidt, Bill Gates, an ape and a cockroach.

14. 14

    December 6, 2001 · 30m

    Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?8.2

    When Chris adopts hip-hop speech, Peter (who can't understand a word he's saying) decides to teach his son about his roots. He makes a startling discovery. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes enchanted with the Buddy Cianci Junior High cheerleaders.

15. 15

    December 20, 2001 · 30m

    Ready, Willing, and Disabled8.1

    Joe, Quahog's disabled cop, is depressed after failing to nab a perp, so Peter suggests he compete in the Special People's Games as a confidence booster. His event: the decathlon. His competition: "a trash-talking quadriplegic" (voice of series creator Seth MacFarlane). Tony Danza and Valerie Bertinelli have voice cameos as actors playing Joe and his wife, Bonnie, in a movie.

16. 16

    December 21, 2001 · 30m

    A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas8.5

    It may be the season, but Peter's anything but merry when holiday preparations prevent him from watching his favorite Christmas special, "KISS Saves Santa." And soon the family experiences the same lack of spirit when they're compelled to do last-minute shopping. Members of KISS provide their own voices.

17. 17

    January 17, 2002 · 30m

    Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows8.2

    Brian, depressed over bad luck in love, is convicted of DUI and sentenced to care for an ornery old woman whose past comes to the attention of celebrity watcher A.J. Benza. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard, which displeases Lois (who isn't alone in thinking that it's for the birds).

18. 18

    January 24, 2002 · 30m

    From Method to Madness8.1

    Stewie displays some show-business talent---as long as he's paired with a girl he despises; Meg develops a crush on a teenage nudist. Fred Willard has a voice cameo as the boy's father (who's also a nudist).

19. 19

    January 31, 2002 · 30m

    Stuck Together, Torn Apart8.3

    Lois runs into an old male friend from school and they renew their friendship. When Peter finds out, he gets jealous, to say the least. Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie get themselves stuck together with industrial-strength glue. Jennifer Love Hewitt has a voice cameo as herself.

20. 20

    February 7, 2002 · 30m

    Road to Europe8.3

    Brian and Stewie stow away on a plane they think is bound for England. They're wrong, and soon they're in Saudi Arabia, at the beginning of a long, strange trip back home. Meanwhile, back in the U.S., Peter and Lois have an odd encounter with KISS.

21. 21

    February 14, 2002 · 30m

    Family Guy Viewer Mail (1)7.4

    Three mini-episodes. In the first, a genie grants Peter three wishes and he ends up being propositioned by Catherine Zeta-Jones (voice of Alex Borstein). Then, exposure to toxic waste gives the Griffins super powers (one per Griffin). Finally, in flashbacks, L'il Peter braves a haunted house (for awhile) to impress L'il Lois.

22. 22

    December 10, 2004 · 30m

    When You Wish Upon a Weinstein8.1

    The day that Peter buys volcano insurance is the day that Lois becomes fed up with their constant money problems. When Peter wishes for a Jewish "money guy" to help them, Max Weinstein comes to the rescue. After meeting Max, Peter decides Chris could be successful if he converted to Judaism as soon as possible, but the plans for a "quickie" bar mitzvah in Las Vegas are quickly foiled by Lois.