The worst episodes of Open All Hours
Ranked by viewer rating, lows first. Lit marks on the season rail place this list across the run. Vote on a placement to back it or contest it.
- 01
Arkwright feels that Nurse Gladys has been neglecting him and, in order to get her undivided attention, he must come down with a 'disease', nothing too serious, just something that'll have her lavishing attention on him. She sees through the ruse and is ready to beat him at his own game.
- 02
In an effort to convince Nurse Gladys that he's a man of enterprise, Arkwright decides to invest in a mobile shop, to be driven around by Granville. However, given his customary stinginess, the best that he can come up with is an old ice cream van, leading to Granville having a close encounter with some perishables.
- 03
When a posh man arrives for directions, Arkwright is concerned that Nurse Gladys is seeing another whilst Granville's love life is also suffering. It is bad enough that when he accompanies Wendy, he only has a bike with which to impress her — but the bike has a squeak, which he can't get rid of.
- 04
Granville decides it's high time he did something about his single status and places an advert in the lonely hearts column. He actually gets a result but of course he feels he has to lie about himself to the girl in question and presents himself as a yuppie. Leave it to his beloved uncle to ruin it for him.
- 05
Arkwright believes that he can make Nurse Gladys jealous if he has a live-in housekeeper. This only succeeds in attracting the attention of Mrs Featherstone, the Black Widow herself!
- 06
Anxious to impress boutique girl Stephanie ('with a P-H!'), Granville passes himself off as a young executive, claiming that Arkwright is his junior assistant. Unsurprisingly, his uncle is less than happy with this idea.
- 07
Nurse Gladys and Granville play a trick on Arkwright, persuading the shopkeeper that a man representing the Good Shopkeepers' Guide is in the area, awarding bonuses to shops whose staff show extra courtesy. Gladys goes undercover as a male inspector and visits, where she is greeted with unusual civility.
- 08
Stuttering shopkeeper Albert Arkwright, assisted by his much put-upon nephew Granville, runs the corner shop in a Doncaster suburb, boasting that it's open all hours. When not pursuing Gladys Emmanuel, the district nurse who lives opposite the shop, Arkwright is ever on the lookout to save money, such as buying a load of fire-damaged tinned food. Unfortunately, the damage means that all the labels have come off so nobody knows exactly what they're meant to be buying.
- 09
Fed up with having to do deliveries in all weathers on his bike, Granville suggests Arkwright invest in a van. Needless to say, his uncle balks at the expense until Granville points out that it could be a mattress on wheels, a means of impressing Nurse Gladys. Arkwright buys a secondhand one and Granville wishes he hadn't when he takes it out on the road.
- 10
Arkwright goes with Nurse Gladys to the funeral of his friend Parslow. He's not keen to leave Granville in charge but it affords the opportunity to get rid of some unwanted bakery products for the wake. Having rung the shop constantly to ensure that Granville has got things under control, he later tells him he should get out more — as this'll give Arkwright more opportunity with Nurse Gladys.
- 11
Nurse Gladys feels sorry for Granville, struggling to do the laundry by hand, and suggests to Arkwright that he buy a washing machine. Arkwright wants Gladys' affections but doesn't want to spend too much money, so he ensures that she sees a brand-new machine being delivered — which is then taken away and replaced by an elderly secondhand one.
- 12
Arkwright decides to take Nurse Gladys to a hotel, leaving Granville in a position to make his play for the milk round lady. However, Arkwright, hands on as ever and never keen to be too far away from the shop, has booked himself and Gladys into a hotel just round the corner — where he has problems with an extra-tight money belt.
- 13
Nurse Gladys has forced Arkwright to buy a new suit because she's tired of being seen around with him in a shabby suit.
- 14
Arkwright has always told Granville his father was a Hungarian but then a real Hungarian comes into the shop. Could it be him? Arkwright is more concerned that he may be a shoplifter and hits on a cunning plan to part him from his jacket so that he can search the pockets for evidence. Welcome to the mythical feast day of St Albert!
- 15
There are protests when Arkwright is caught dragging Granville around by his ear. Whilst Arkwright reasons that this is what errand boys are for, the customers choose to differ and force Arkwright to improve his nephew's lot in life.
- 16
Arkwright considers yet another money-making scheme. Everybody seems to want fire-lighters in the winter so he can save cash by making his own — or rather getting Granville to make them in the shed at the back... with explosive results.
- 17
Arkwright learns that a former beau of Nurse Gladys' is returning from Australia, where he emigrated a couple decades ago to make his fortune. Naturally, Arkwright is disheartened to think that Gladys might be tempted by her old flame and sets about to take drastic action with the man he believes to be his rival.
- 18
The Mystical Boudoir of Nurse Gladys Emmanuel
Ever persistent to worm his way into Nurse Gladys' bedroom as well as her affections, Arkwright finds that flattery and chocolates are no use. But he's got a cunning plan to use Granville to impersonate a burglar, wearing a stocking mask to scare Gladys so that Arkwright can come running... into her room.
- 19
When a crime wave hits the area, Arkwright decides to scare off any potential burglars by putting up a notice that says BEWARE OF THE DOG but, since everybody knows that he has no dog, he goes out to borrow one for the weekend from the local kennels.
- 20
Fig Biscuits and Inspirational Toilet Rolls
Whilst Granville moans about the shop opening at dawn, Arkwright bewails his inability to sell a load of fig biscuits and toilet rolls imprinted with biblical texts. The opportunity arises when Mavis mistakes the sepulchral voice of Granville in the cellar for a ghost advising her what to buy but unfortunately for Arkwright, he falls through the open trapdoor and breaks his leg.
- 21
To the envy of Granville who has never attended one, Arkwright is taking Nurse Gladys to a wedding and has taken his old suit out of mothballs, but it still reeks of camphor. Gladys makes him hang it out of the car window as they drive along but the trousers end up under a tractor's wheels.
- 22
When Arkwright finds himself with a surplus of Jamaican Ginger cakes, he tries various marketing ploys to sell them off, but hits the jackpot when he claims that the cakes contain drugs, leading customers fighting to get at them.
- 23
Fed up with tank-tops and shop pinnies, Granville decides to court a cool image. He gets a pair of shades and a nice fashionable shirt, but all that stops him from being the archetypal medallion man is a medallion. Perhaps a cocoa tin lid can provide a substitute.
- 24
Arkwright has a rival: corner shop owner Mr Gupta, so he sends Granville undercover – in a sari – to check him out. Arkwright believes he can get one over on his rival by selling him a load of genuine Yorkshire clotheshorses but he has reckoned without Gupta's business skills.
- 25
Arkwright has bought too many apples and desperately tries in vain to persuade each successive customer to buy some. After raising eyebrows around town after finding a pair of shop window dummy's legs, Granville tells his uncle he should adopt the personal touch in his sales methods. Arkwright, however, plumps for self-service and then suspects everyone of shoplifting.
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